The rejection was God’s protection

We crossed paths in my call of duty. I had gone to the hotel market in China to buy some things I required for the housing project I had. My field being house interior design coincidentally was the same field he was in. This was a bonus point to why we were meant to be together so I thought. We were good together. I loved his sense of humor and how when we were together we never ran out of words to say to each other.

When we were apart from each other, we always found a way to be part of each other’s day. As I weighed the pros and cons, the pros seemed to have more on my list. But there was one con which carried more weight. I was a believer in Christ Jesus and he was not. I naively thought we could work through it; I thought I could influence him and make him decide to be a believer, but the end result was he ended up drawing me away from God.

“You shall not enter into a relationship (marriage) with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn your heart after their gods.” 1 Kings 11:2

In the book of Kings, we read how in the beginning Solomon was determined and very diligent in seeking God and doing what pleased the Lord as his father David did. In the 11th chapter, God warned the people of Israel not to have relations with women from certain nations but Solomon went against the commands of God and thus came his downfall—as his heart was turned away from God by his many wives.

This was what I was experiencing. I started skipping church to hang out with this guy, and I found myself compromising on things I had made up my mind not to do prior to meeting him. In my spirit I was being convicted that he wasn’t God’s plan for me. I was to end the relationship, but I chose to ignore as I really wanted this relationship to work.

“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 

“God has the best for us. What God has for us is not meant to draw us away from Him but rather to bring us close to Him.”           

It was the beginning of the Chinese holidays and mostly everyone I knew traveled back to their country as everything shuts down then for two months. I decided that I wasn’t going to travel back home as I had just got to China just a few months back. In my mind, I thought it would be a perfect time for him and me to spend time together and get to know each other more.

Shockingly when we met up, he informed me that he had planned to go back home for the holidays. I was disappointed but with some consolations, we left off on a good tone as he promised to stay in touch.

We were in communication for about a week or two after he had settled back home…then we were out of touch. After a while, I decided to break the silence and call him. In consideration of the time difference between his country and China time, I called him early in the morning as I remember it. I really had missed him. When he answered the phone, I expressed my excitement in my tone of voice which, unfortunately, was met with his very dull voice. He seemed to rush over the call and he asked to call me the next day but he never did. Something was definitely off with him.

The days turned to weeks and to months without him calling back or texting. I didn’t want to call him because it seemed as though in the last call he was blowing me off. I made excuses for him not reaching out. I told my friend it was because he was busy. I was invested emotionally and it was so painful that I would cry most of the times.

“His lack of interest in me led to a season of brokenness and sorrow which I eventually sought solace from God to heal my broken heart.”

In the process of being made whole by God, I came to an understanding that the rejection I faced was the protection of God and part of His divine sovereignty to keep me in His perfect will. God’s protection prevented me from being tied to a partner or a marriage that lacked purpose. God’s choice for me of a partner carries purpose and I’m forever grateful for God’s undying love for me through that season.

jacquelyne kanyi

Jacquelyne Kanyi is a woman in her 30s, not married, no kids and trusting God for a Godly union. She strives to encourage singles to find contentment and joy in their singlehood. You can find more of her work in my website jacquelynekanyi.com/ I’m also a contributing writer in Godinterest.com.

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Women: Here’s How to Identify A Mature Man

If you’re a woman looking for a great guy, these are the most important traits of a man who has reached the highest levels of maturity.

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Turning disappointment into hope

Ah, disappointment. It’s one of those feelings that we have at some point in life, and they can hit us hard in certain seasons. Maybe it’s a relationship that didn’t work out or you lost something or someone meaningful, or in my case, you didn’t get the job you wanted. Disappointment, or dissatisfaction with a failed expectation, can hurt and take you down a roller coaster of emotions.

But that’s not the Father’s intentions for us. He desires to mature us in the faith and to make us more like Him, since we are His beloved creation. Before we get into the core scripture for this post, here are some practical pieces of advice on how to turn disappointment into hope.

What is the source of your dissatisfaction?

Ask yourself what caused your dissatisfaction and what are the sources of your expectations? Are they from outside factors like family pressure or colleague competition? Is it an internal expectation that you have for yourself and you’re blaming yourself for not being where you think you should? There is a root to those thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it’s rejection or an orphan spirit. Other times it’s repressed anger. Find the source of your dissatisfaction by looking at the standards you feel you failed. 

What is your initial reaction to disappointment?

It is shock or sadness? Anger or frustration? Disappointment can look different on many of us. Consider what your initial reaction is and how can you healthfully acknowledge that emotion while taking a step back to allow God to pour into you. When I am disappointed I get frustrated and antsy. I am learning to take a breather and deal with these emotions with patience and grace. It’s not easy but being aware of it now helps me move forward. 

How to not stay in the state of disappointment

You can have these feelings, but you don’t have to stay in those feelings. Maybe God is using this moment of disappointment to show you any unrealistic or unhealthy expectations that you are carrying around in your life about yourself and others. Surrendering your feelings to God is a great way to relieve your burdens and cares to someone who can take on what you are facing.

Ask God for a perspective shift in prayer. Don’t let one moment of disappointment stagnate you from progressing towards your vision, goal or purpose. With a godly perspective shift, you can look at the disappointment as an opportunity for growth, as related to our scripture today:

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.” Romans 5:3-5 NLT

If we look at verse 5 again in The Message version it states: “In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 5:5 MSG

Through the Holy Spirit our disappointment that we feel is transformed. We see beyond what we were trying to accomplish or acquire and see things for what only God is able to provide. Instead of possessions we have peace, instead of position we have favor. Instead of a spouse (right now) we have contentment. It took a couple of weeks to realize that my disappointment would be eclipsed with the promise of something better. No matter how long it takes, don’t lose hope.

Are you feeling disappointment in this season of your life? Don’t stay there long. Ask the Lord to renew your strength and don’t dwell long on what could have been, but remain steadfast and confident in God’s provision to supply something better, just for you, in His timing. 

Share a time that you’ve been disappointed; how did God get you through that moment?

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2019: Take the limits off of God

Shortly before the end of the year I had an intentional moment alone with God during my lunchtime at work. Intentional for me was leaving the phone at my desk and sit in a quieter space than the lunch room.

I just sat comfortably and ate my lunch, praying/talking to God in my head, trying to calm my thoughts and listen for something, anything from my Father. Shortly after being still, the Lord rested this assuring message in my heart: not to put a limit on Him; to not to put Him in a box. The Lord said that I can’t limit myself and allow time to be a limit. God is able to restore the years, and He is able to blow my mind.

“I can’t allow myself and time to be a limit.”

Talk about whoah! When I was taking all of this in, tears were flowing down my face. If we get quiet enough in our everyday routines, in spontaneous moments of the day, the Lord will relay a message to us.

For me personally, I got into a place of limiting God, trying to predict His behaviors or what He’s up to in my life. Knowing what’s going to come next gives us a sense of comfort and security, but that’s not walking in faith. Jesus said Himself that those who believe even though they do not see, are blessed (John 20:29). With the new year already here, I have to allow God to take over and lead me in several areas of my life. He is up to something, and though I can’t see specifically, His word gives me assurance that I’m getting more than my limits.

Did you know that comfort zones are limiting? And limits can become comfort zones. That comfort can choke out the word God has for you to not only hear, but to follow. We have to trust Him at His word.

What has God shared with you for this new year? Share below!

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The modern day dilemma of being an Independent Woman

I wanted to take my time to discuss the title “independent woman”. Honestly, as much as women have progressed it their rights to do what they are created to do outside of sexist norms, women still face an ugly catch-22 scenario when it comes to relationships.

On one side, a “strong, independent woman” is accomplished all on her own but oftentimes doesn’t meet enough qualified men to match her ambitions. She’s often ridiculed for being unmarried and though she may have the desire to marry, but she doesn’t want to settle or work to “birth a man” as we have seen discussed in recent weeks.

A part of that plays on that is that more men are being coddled by their mothers and not mentored by men of standard to be a provider for their home and future family. Many of these men either viciously compete with the women they should partner with or settle into complacency and allow their partner to lead the relationship or marriage.

There’s another angle to this side which is that women who are perceived as “too independent” push men away with their attitude. This was brought up by reality TV personality Marcus Black that sparked a big debate on social media recently.

The gender roles as we’ve grown up knowing have seemed to shift in a way that doesn’t meet many women’s needs.

On the other side we have the narrative that suggests women “have to do it all” because no one can do it like a woman. Because we are so strong and can take on so much…because no one was there to help us before. It gets to the point that we exhaust ourselves trying to cover what we could have allowed other people to do.

To prevent being vulnerable this type of independent woman takes on more roles than she should for the sake of showing up for herself, but it actually has potential to leave her vulnerable to attacks (physically, spiritually, mentally, etc.) because she will grow weary doing it all in her own strength. This narrative is taught to us too and more of us are recognizing it as problematic. Both scenarios seem to leave women at some kind of disadvantage, but we see and know people like this in our everyday lives.

The problem with the title “independent woman” is that it’s defined by the world. Independence by definition is “to be self governing, self ruling, individualistic.” That, by definition, does not apply to followers of Jesus Christ who is our ruling authority. Independence in the world’s standard means that you’re doing things for yourself, by yourself and your way for often times an impure reason if we were to look at the core motives. We tip toe on a thin line between what seems right and what is really idolatry.

If we practice in the natural being independent, how do we practice being dependent on God?

I don’t think it’s wrong to have achieved being able to be responsible for yourself and being a good steward with what God has given you (your life, your job, your home, your body). In American culture specifically, the problem is we take this concept and pervert it to fit some societal shift that deviates from God’s will. For instance, using the title “independent woman” to spite men and as a mask to cover our perceived rejection. Or using the title as a weapon to demonize women who have standards and don’t want to settle for a codependent relationship, which often turn toxic.

So being an “independent woman” can negatively impact your mindset and behaviors if you don’t learn how to balance when to operate in your personal responsibilities/assignments and when to be open to receiving help and leadership (authority). Both of those aspects are needed in a godly marriage, so what is the solution for a woman who is ambitious and doesn’t want to settle for less than she deserves? A woman who can handle her own by the Lord’s grace and wants to be married to a suitable man of God?

We should work towards being interdependent. Interdependent relationships involve people who are mutually dependent on others. “An interdependent person recognizes the value of vulnerability, being able to turn to their partner in meaningful ways to create emotional intimacy. They also value a sense of self that allows them and their partner to be themselves without any need to compromise who they are or their values system.” (Source) This is the most realistic way to function in our everyday life, for we rely on people in some form every day. Interdependence involves mutual respect for each other and care for each other, as we were instructed in 1 Peter 3.

If you’re independent independent, that means you’re doing all of this by yourself, and that’s a one way ticket to stressful living. That’s not your portion, sis. There are going to be people in your life that God will provide to help you along the way and vice versa.

Overall, we should be women who are dependent on God before anything else. He will carry us when we are on our own and will provide help when we need it. We also have to be able to receive. As the Lord’s daughters, we have that right. Don’t let anyone shame you for your accomplishments, and don’t hold yourself back from receiving help and the treatment that you deserve as God’s child.

“The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the fear of God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon [adorn] her life with praise!” –Proverbs 31:30b-31 MSG

What are your thoughts on the title independent woman? Share in the comments below!

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Finding the faith to forgive yourself and others

We all have been on the receiving line of having hurtful words, actions and deeds hurled at us by those who showed us how much they dislike us. Then there were others who offended us unintentionally, yet and still the sting from their offense caused us to change the way we’ve viewed them.

“By forgiving those who hurt you, you are stripping the power they hold over you, your emotions and your life.” Luke 6:27-36

We may believe that extending forgiveness to those who have wronged us displays a sign of weakness on our part. It gives the connotation that we have removed our guards and are giving the offender(s) full reign to hurt us yet again. Neither belief regarding forgiveness is accurate because our concerns reside in how we are viewed in the eyes of our offender(s) and those closest to our situation; and that is called pride.

Dealing with hurt is difficult, however when you understand the importance of forgiveness, you will lean on God and forgive–even if your offender(s) never apologize to you. (See: Proverbs 25:21-22; Matthew 6:14-15)

Not everyone has an issue with forgiving others…some have an issue with forgiving themselves. We all have experienced situations in our lifetime that were a direct result of our poor choices. Perhaps for others there was a time in your life when the consequences of sin left you regretful. Whatever has you disgusted with yourself, it’s causing you to continually replay your past, present and accompany it with negative words about yourself. This type of behavior is not okay! You have not forgiven yourself.

When you sin and ask God to forgive you, you experience freedom in His forgiveness. Refusing to forgive yourself does the opposite, it keeps you in bondage. Living in this manner will not reverse the outcome of what has already happened in your life. Instead, it breathes life into what you created: Dead Weight.

You are not your circumstances…You are not your past…Stop talking about it…Stop condemning yourself…Stop breathing life into it…Let it go!

In the Bible there was a woman living with an issue of blood that plagued her body for twelve years. She went to doctor after doctor in hopes to be cured; instead of being cured, she became broke and her infirmity became worse. One particular day, she heard that Jesus was in town and would be passing through. A very large crowd had formed, but that didn’t stop her from gathering with them and maneuvering her body through the crown in order to get close to Him.

With faith in her spirit, she inwardly spoke the promise over her life (“If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.” ) She reached out and touched Jesus’ garment just as He walked by her and instantaneously she was healed and made whole.

There will come a time in your life when you will become sick and tired of living a sick and tired life. Once you reach that point, you will make the necessary changes to drop your life of stagnation and live your purposeful life in Christ.

In order for such a change to occur, you must ask God to show you how to forgive yourself. Let Him know that you want freedom from every past and present dead weight in your life. Search for Bible verses that speak on the forgiveness of God. Read them aloud with the intent of forgiving yourself, as you implement it into your life on a daily basis.

Every form of negativity that resides in your life must be released (i.e. people, thoughts, words, actions, deeds etc.) if you truly desire to move forward in newness of life.

Lastly, continuously speak these words of affirmation over your life as often as needed: I AM WHOLE BECAUSE I AM FORGETTING THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE BEHIND AND REACHING FORWARD TO THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE AHEAD! (See: Philippians 3:13-14)

It is impossible to be whole and broken at the same time. Therefore, you must choose to forgive yourself and others. This is how you receive your wholeness; your freedom and healing In Jesus’ name.

How has forgiveness helped you along your journey to wholeness? Share below!

 

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What does your friends list say about your dating life?

As technology has expanded our networks across the world, I have to ask about how well are we cultivating our in person networks for the benefit of our personal lives? When it comes to your friendship circles, do you have any friends that are able to vouch for you regarding your character, even when you’re not there with them? Hopefully you can name at least a few people.

The importance of friends is that these people we do life with have connections to other people, and who knows? You may be able to meet some great people through who you know. I can testify that this works! It’s also a huge plus to have friends in your life who pray for you, want the best for you (for real) and are honest with you on whether you’re ready for something serious or need more time.

If you’re looking to expand your network with the intention of meeting new people and raising the standard of people you want to date, then consider a few of these options here:

Be intentional about having married friends

Proverbs brings up friendship a few times and when it comes to our lives, as singles we should be intentional about having married friends in our mix. Not just any married couple, but a couple who is happily married and loves God. They may be at your church, they may be your age group, or something else. But take the time to get to know them and learn from them, especially if marriage is what you want in the future.

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 NIV

I would say this is my favorite way of meeting people through friends. If the couple knows you and knows you want to date with purpose/for marriage, they will keep a lookout for other singles they know who may be looking for the same thing.

Make friends in your professional circles

Ruth didn’t have to list her amazing qualities to Boaz, she just did what she was supposed to do with steadfastness and people noticed her work (Ruth 2:5-6). I say this all the time and it stands in the context of singleness, dating and relationships: “the streets is watching.” Join a professional networking group or organization in your career field and you’ll open up to more people who have similar education/career backgrounds. This can help you meet new people who may be potentials for dating or getting to know more.

Having career or work friends expands your network because people also come from various backgrounds, which expands your potential for meeting someone through who you connect with in these environments. Remember that whether you’re looking for a date or new job opportunity, cultivate the relationship with your work friends by being of service in some capacity. What can you do for them? This is network etiquette 101, as we shouldn’t create a relationship with someone solely based on who they know, but out of a genuine connection.

Fellowship with other ministries/churches

If your church doesn’t have a ministry for singles, you can find options to fellowship with like-minded believers outside of your church home. There are ministries all over that meet online or host in person events that aren’t specific to any one church. The goal is connect people with common core beliefs to gather, encourage one another and cultivate friendships. These can also lead to dating, but it often doesn’t get the recognition it could get because it’s seemingly harder to get dedicated single men to participate in singles/unmarried ministry at the same level as the women in church.

Let’s not be discouraged in this, but expand beyond your comfort zone and seek God in new ways. This may require you to travel every now and then, to do something on your own instead of your group of friends, etc. It’s okay to get out and try something different from volunteering for a good cause or attending a worship concert across town. You never know who you’ll meet or connect with until you get out there and try. Let the Lord lead you!

So take some time this week to evaluate your friendship circles. Do you have mostly single friends and need some married folks in your network? Are you proactive about building your professional network? Are you participating in church ministries and events where you can meet new people? Don’t let comfort zones keep you complacent, even in friendships.

Which of these methods are you putting into action right now? Share below!

 

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How my life shifted when I turned to God instead of people

‘Yes’ is stated sometimes out of guilt, while other times it is stated to simply appease. Yet, oftentimes it is stated out of obligation. You know, they did me a favor so now it’s time for me to return the favor. Then there is the most committed ‘Yes’ of all—to God. But what happens when we encounter a roadblock in life; a trial that obstructs our God destiny pathway indefinitely?

Trials in our lives make us strong

When you are facing a trial that causes you to second guess your beliefs and you become unrecognizable to yourself anymore, what do you do? When your strength is stripped away, you look for help and there is no life preserver in sight—what do you do? When God has yet to move on your behalf, as He promised He would in His word, what do you do?

I have felt all of these things during many of my trials; I’ll tell you what I found myself doing. Succumbing to my emotions and taking matters into my own hands. I helped God help me and justified my actions with James 2:17 that states: “Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” The problem with my rationale and actions was this: I decided to deliver myself because God was taking too long to deliver me. I messed up terribly and placed my faith solely in my works and plans which proved to fall short every time!

Moving apart from God means moving in our own physical strength without God.

When we decide to take that route, are we fully aware of what we are saying ‘Yes’ to? This is why we must step back and conduct a thorough self-evaluation regarding our motives.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8

We cannot say ‘Yes’ to our own methods and expect God results. Whenever we choose to step outside of God’s perimeters, we become susceptible to opening up the door for people to enter into our lives who do not belong.

Engaging with people God did not position in our lives is dangerous. I used to live in that manner for a long period of time. Whenever I would face a trial I would go to the person I pegged to be extremely spiritual and ask them to pray for me. I did not pray for myself nor did I seek guidance from God because I felt they had that covered and God would listen to them over me. In the meantime, I would devise my own exit plan and turn to those whose insight I valued. In the end I made it through, but with scars that reflected my poor choices.

There is a reason why God instructs us in Proverbs 3:5-6 to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path.” No one is capable of doing God’s work except God Himself. He is the only One who knows our beginning, unexpected, in-between and ending.

There is neither leeway nor exceptions with God

When I stopped turning to people and turned to God things shifted for me. I established a personal relationship with God—no longer was there a desire to interfere with God’s plans. I began experiencing breakthroughs in such a manner I’d never experienced before because I said ‘Yes, God I trust You’ with my life. Saying ‘Yes’ to God relinquishes the will we have to govern our lives because we trust God and believe that He will come through for us in the good, the bad, the questionable and the uncertain times of our lives.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

Have you been saying ‘Yes’ to God lately?

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10 Signs you shouldn’t be dating your Ex again

If you are tempted to date your EX after multiple attempts of reaching out to you or long apologies, this one is for you. The old cliché ‘try again till you succeed’ doesn’t really fit the relationship with your EX. Ask the people who have done that and they will tell you it’s a waste of your emotions. It’s always exciting to date them again but when the excitement wears off, you are back where you started from. The past is called past for a reason. It shouldn’t be dragged into the future.

Before you make up your mind to jump into a sinking boat, here are some signs that are a clear indication you shouldn’t be dating your Ex again.

Your BFF doesn’t like him

I know, I know you shouldn’t base your relationships on the approval of your friends or family but sometimes, you have to stop and listen to them. What’s your best friend’s take on your Ex? Does she say he is a jerk? Does she hate him because he made you feel miserable? It’s best if you listen to your BFF’s take on dating your Ex.

You have started rationalizing all the deal breakers

Did you break up because of certain differences in lifestyle, maybe faith or relationship goals? You must be overlooking those deal breakers now that you want to date him again. Relationship experts say that often when an Ex knocks your door, you start second-guessing yourself. You tend to focus more on the good times and downplay the real problems.

Even if you start dating your ex, over-time, when the clouds of emotions go away, those deal breakers will still be there. It’s best if you don’t go down the same road again.

Trust was a huge problem

Trust is extremely important for a healthy relationship. If you broke up because your boyfriend was insecure, jealous, he cheated on you or he had trust issues, you shouldn’t be wanting him back. Let’s suppose you do start dating him again, either one of you will end up relying on a spying apps like Xnspy or TrackMyFone to snoop on each other. Trust me, you deserve a relationship that makes you feel secure, not the one that keeps you awake at night.

You don’t want to put the time and effort to go back to dating

It’s one of the worst reasons to even consider dating your Ex. Why, you ask? Because it just means you are feeling lonely. I understand going back to dating can be tough but reaching out to your Ex to feel good again isn’t really a good option. Spend some time being single. You need it.

Spending time with him makes you feel miserable

Are you feeling miserable? If yes then chances are you have already started dating him again. Don’t cling onto the good times in the hope that he will change or things will be back to normal. If spending time with him makes you emotionally drained, you are better off without him.

You are looking for an ego boost

When you are in a relationship, you need comfort by the knowledge that your partner loves you and cares about you. But as soon as you break up, this security net falls apart too. You will feel lonely particularly if you are having a hard time finding the right person to date. The easy way out is to date your Ex and feed your ego.

You assume that you can fix your relationship problem

When you couldn’t solve the problems when you were together, you cannot solve them now. It’s a fact that you must accept as soon as possible. Let’s say he cheated on you multiple times and you think you can keep a check on him using Xnspy or any other spouse monitoring app, you are wrong. If you couldn’t fix his cheating problem then, you can’t fix it now either. There is no point in giving him another chance if he can’t change.

You are worried you might never love again

There is plenty of fish in the sea and you will find someone who is better than Ex. Don’t rush, don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you. This is going to require patience from your end and it is going to be disappointing and even frustrating but you will eventually find someone who truly appreciates you. The wait is worth it.

You are looking for happiness in your Ex

No, your Ex does not have the key to your happiness. In fact, nobody does. The only person who can make you happy is you. I know you must have heard this multiple times but it’s true. You will feel miserable and it’s totally normal. For emotional support, don’t hesitate to call a friend. Friends are the cheapest therapist, you know.

You have unresolved issues

Are there any unresolved issues between the two of you? Have you tried addressing them before? If you did, they either weren’t resolved or your boyfriend simply refused to acknowledge them. Whatever the case, if those issues still exist, it is not recommended to get back with your Ex.

Is the second chance really worth it?

Some of you might be thinking to ignore the aforementioned signs and I get it, it can happen if you are going through a roller-coaster of emotions.

The sex might feel good and everything may seem positive but all of this temporary. Once this excitement wears off, you might not want to be with this person. Do me a favor, ask yourself can you really spend the rest of your life with this person? Do you want to be relying on monitoring app or any other piece of technology to be sure your boyfriend isn’t cheating on you again? If you are unsure, it’s pretty clear you end it right away and part ways. You don’t deserve to go through the pain again and neither do they.

You had a good reason or maybe lots of good reasons to let him go. Don’t force him back into your life. The sooner you realize it, the easier it will be to move on. Yes, there are cases where things worked out between two Exes but if the past problems in your relationship are still there, DON’T date your Ex again.

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Should I keep working at my godly relationship or quit?

This post is part of our Reader Request Month series

Relationships require work. Despite what we envision our ideal relationship or marriage to look like and feel like, God’s will for relationships is different than our desire for comfort 24/7. There will be times when confrontation, correction and forgiveness is needed, and from what I heard about marriage, it’s needed often. So on this single side of looking at godly relationships and marriage, we may have a biased view on how things should go. We enter relationships with the intent to marry and when the inevitable challenges come, we are faced with the realistic choices to stay or walk away.

This leads to our Reader Request topic for this week with this good question:

BLISSforSingles, keep working or quit, godly relationships

I’m glad the reader asked about godly relationships because an unequally yoked (spiritually/faith beliefs) relationship has uncommon ground from the start. Godly relationships are relationships with Christ at the center, a relationship that honors God’s standards. That means that you are growing closer to God as you get more acquainted with your partner, and you are not getting in the way of each other’s connection to the Father. Because I don’t have more context with this person’s question, I’ll answer with what I know plus add some thoughts:

Ask yourself if this is a test for your relationship to see how you both respond to conflict? Is there something that came up that leads to conflict in your communication? Communication is one big practical and spiritual key to successful relationships. Do you feel like you can be totally honest with your partner, and if not, why?

Take a look at what is the source of stress or discomfort in your relationship. Even Christian singles can feel hesitant to making commitment in relationships, is this what you’re feeling that’s leading to this question? Is there a feeling that you’re settling or are unfulfilled in this relationship? Your partner could be doing a lot of things right, but you may have an uncertain feeling about your future together that you can’t shake. Sometimes we enter relationships thinking that God gave us the green light when we were really following our emotions. I’ve been there! Don’t feel condemned about this. Seek God for what you need to do next.

Handling relationship issues with grace. You know within you if you want to fight for this relationship. The enemy will try a God ordained relationship and marriage before the couple says “I do” and will try after. Do you want to keep this relationship? If so, have you done all that you could to make this relationship work? This includes fasting, praying, seeking counsel, resolving any communication conflict with your partner, etc. You also know what your deal breakers are. You don’t have to compromise your standards or core values to “fight” for your relationship with someone who may not be for you. Use discernment and evaluate what action steps you need to take.

When it is necessary to walk away… Breakups are hard no matter what. It’s not easy but as mature believers we understand that God is sovereign and full of grace. If this relationship is not going to go any further than where it is, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be obedient to God in this. There were times when I wanted to stay in dating situations or relationships longer than God said to, but it wasn’t benefiting me to stay in disobedience. I asked God for a way of escape, and He made a way. It may not be easy, but if you know in your spirit that this is not it, don’t force the relationship to continue because of feelings or familiarity.

Having God’s peace vs. our confusion

Get real still and quiet and ask the Lord if you should move forward with this particular person that you are with. If you have the peace of God about this, then seek God on what it is you need to do to make it work. That peace (in this context) is an assurance that even if things are hard right now, you know that this person is someone God has put in your life for marriage purposes.

If you feel some uneasiness about being with them, confused, or not hopeful for the future at all, then ask God to lead you on what to do next in terms of walking away from the relationship. God is not the author of confusion, so seek Him for confirmation on the purpose of your connection with your partner will help you understand what it is you should do. Pastor Toure’ Roberts said in his now well-known sermon about soulmates: “When you know, you know; and when you don’t know, that’s not it.”

As I have written before, not all godly relationships/courtships will lead to marriage. You must have the resolve that being in God’s will is more important than any other relationship, and to find contentment in that truth. Knowing this before, during and after entering a relationship keeps your mind in proper perspective in spite of the initial feelings we have throughout the process.

For further reading, check out this post on building godly relationships/courtship via The Odyssey Online

Do you know when to stay or leave a dating relationship? Share your take below!

 

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