How long is too long to wait to get engaged?

This post is part of Reader Request Month

The beauty of relationships is the progression into something new, going to new levels together as you walk in faith and purpose. In our dating relationships, you feel the excitement at each stage to go to the next level. From talking to dating, to making the commitment to one another in an exclusive dating relationship or entering courtship. What’s the next level after this for godly couples? Engagement season.

If the couple is on the same page about where they see their love going, this will be the eventual next step. The question we were posed with by one of our readers is: how long is too long for a significant other to propose and enter the engagement season? I have a few thoughts on this that I’ll share below.

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I recall bringing up a similar question around women of God with various perspectives. From women who are currently married to divorced single ladies, I have heard that a good range is from 1 year to 2 years to wait before you get married. I have also taken into account men of God too and their perspectives. I thought this video by Redefined TV was well done in regards to men “knowing” when someone was their wife:

If you both have discussed marriage and want to marry each other, a practical step would be to get pre-engagement counseling. This will help you both assess your relationship and where it’s headed, and what you can be working on before you get to the next level. There are factors to consider including both your and your partner’s spiritual maturity, emotional maturity, financial readiness, and practical timing for this next season to start.

To answer this question in regards to how long should one wait for their partner to propose, I believe it ultimately depends on the individual. For example, to some too long is over 3 years, and some may want to be engaged in under 1 year. For me, I would like at least 1 whole year. I want to us to see each other in multiple seasons, while making the effort to intentionally date, court and learn one another. I will say this though, 10 years together and no move has been made to make things official, and you’re both well and grown, is certified too long before getting engaged. Above all, be led by the Holy Spirit that dwells on the inside of you. You know when something is off, someone isn’t it, or when you need to exercise more patience.

Do you have any unspoken expectations about how long you want to wait? Sometimes we allow our personal expectations and timelines stress us about what we think we should be doing. I talked about this in my book Journey to 30 with friend and fellow author Jewell Washington. In her interview she shared her take on waiting to marry while in a committed relationship:

“We’re going to continue to move forward and do what we can to prepare ourselves financially, mentally, and emotionally for marriage. And when that day comes we will know that it’s the right time because we trust in God’s timing.”

The length of time doesn’t matter as much as what you’re doing with that time. Asking the right questions in your relationship now can help you both get an understanding if marriage is what you want to pursue with each other. A sure waste of time in this season is to complain and not get to know your partner in more detail. You could have these questions answered: what are you all focusing on and did you both communicate what your goals are for the relationship/dating season? Do you both share the same vision for your futures? Do you have peace about moving forward with this person?

Lastly, rely on God to deliver on His promise more than on a man to get down on one knee. When your focus is on the Father, He will see to it that His daughter is taken care of. Don’t rush this time to get to the next level; do the work you need to do now so you will be sure and resolved when that exciting time comes. Be encouraged!

B.L.I.S.S. fam, check in! How long is too long for you to wait to get engaged?


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