Tag Archives: companionship

What does your sign say?

repairblackloveI believe everyone should live their lives to the fullest and that means making yourself happy, but unless you want to live life alone, you must be conscience of making room for a significant other. I talked about this topic in an earlier blog called “prepare a place” but I want to take this a step further. It appears that in a quest to arrange our lives in the way that would make us happier, we are (knowingly or unknowingly) blocking out someone special from entering into our lives. For example, just imagine yourself as a piece of property (motel, hotel, apartment or house), with each property having some type of signage that lets you know the level of time commitment expected. You may have a sign outside that says “$39.99 per night with hourly rates available”, while another sign might read “extended stay” or “first month free for one year”. These signs indicate not only the time commitment desired, but also to an extent, the condition the property is in and how it is operated.

I realize that the anticipated significant other may not be currently present, but if the sign on your property reads “closed for business”, then the person will keep it moving and not even stop to inquire. See, if the overarching thought you have about having someone special in your life is “leave me alone” or “don’t bother me”, then that energy creates a force field around you that repels people with good intentions. Notice I said “people with good intentions”, because you must know that people with bad intentions don’t care what your signs say. They don’t want to stay long anyway nor do they care about leaving “a mess” behind for you to clean up. You see, someone that is going to stay for a while is going to take better care of you (your property) like they would their own home. They will try to make improvements and suggest positive changes that can be made with your approval. But someone with no good intent will do just the opposite and leave you (your property) worse than they found you. Now I know you are saying to yourself, “if my sign is saying closed for business, that means closed for business for everyone right?” Well, not exactly, because you have to remember what state of mind (energy) you are in. It is not a state of mind where you are open, loving, welcoming and desiring someone special, it is the opposite.

This state (energy)allows you to be easy preyed a pond by undesirable people because they too don’t want anything lasting or significant. Plus, I don’t have to tell you what happens to a property that is shut down for any extended period of time and the people it attracts. Also, let’s be honest, most people will not totally shut down; meaning they may be open to certain people or certain situations. These people will only offer short term, get over the hump, situations that will not last long. For example, most people rent because they are not able to own a home. But renters are essentially borrowers (have a landlord, maintenance man can come in your place when you are not home, etc.) but someone that buys a home is an owner (no landlord, nobody enters unless the owner authorize, etc.). My point is, too many people are letting themselves be rented out instead of demanding and working for lifetime ownership. Now I understand that sometimes renting may be the best option for a period of time, but there is nothing like having a property you can call your own!!! My suggestion is that you change the sign from “close for business” to “close for repairs” and work on your property in prayer (or meditation) everyday. Before you know it you will be able to turn what was a short-term lease property into a long-term mortgage property.

Read, Recognize, React!!!

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See it before you see it.

love-1Plenty has been said and written about the power of Imagination. There are numerous video’s you can find on the internet that go in depth about using your vision and imagination to turn your dreams into reality. Suffice it to say, we all had dreams that we at one time desired to come true. When they didn’t come true, we perhaps thought it was not in the cards for us to realize that achievement. But what if I told you that you only really need three elements to make any desire manifest in your life. Those three elements are Vision, Focus, and Drive. Of course you obviously have to envision your goal, but furthermore you have to stay Visually Focus on it and Drive toward it every day.
An assistant college football coach asked a reporter that was conducting an interview with him the question, “what is the most important body part a young man needs to catch a football”? Without hesitation (or much thought) the reporter quickly replied “his hands”. The coach, with a devilish grin, sarcastically replied, “Well let me put a blindfold over your eyes and throw this football at you”!
This exchange, obviously exemplifies the statement, “you can’t catch what you can’t see”. This is also true about your goals and dreams. We cannot allow our Vision, in any way, to be altered, blurred, distracted or flat out blinded!!! If you cannot see, you cannot drive (move forward)!!! Our Vision, the foreseeing of the end result and what it will look like, is what keeps us Driven and Focus.
Now, I know this sounds more like a life lesson (and it is), but it is also a relationship lesson. See, if we apply the same principles of Vision, Focus and Drive to our relationship desires, we can accomplish the goals we set to achieve in that area of life too.
1. See (Vision) yourself in that loving relationship; see yourself with someone who is faithful and honest, or whatever traits you want that person to have. Stay Focused on it and Drive it into your head (Mind) that you can and will have it and are worthy of it.

2. Don’t just picture the physical features but also concentrate on things beyond the physical. Traits like love, thoughtfulness, and faithfulness are much more enduring than the physical traits and will be more appreciated and cherished over time.
3. If someone or something comes along and tries to get you out of that belief, get away from them or it as quickly as possible and immediately Focus on your goal again. The more time, energy and effort you put into it, the more quickly and abundantly it will come to you.

4. Understand that if your current thoughts are not even close to what you desire, then you will have to Focus longer and stay Driven longer to realize what you Visualize. I firmly believe the more you WORK at it you will see progress, and hopefully that will fuel you to stay on the current path.

5. See yourself being helpful and beneficial to that person. See yourself being an asset in all phases of that person’s life. See yourself adding significance and value to that person’s life.
6. Please have the same character and morals you desire your mate to have. If you don’t have them, WORK on developing them now.

7. Lastly, remember it is YOUR VISION for the relationship that YOU WANT!!!
It is amazing to me that so many people will allow others to tell them or make them believe they can’t have the relationship they want. Something like, “that sounds good and all, but we know that’s not real”. Truth is, it is as real as you think and believe it to be. And the crazy part is, you only need ONE other potential mate to believe and want what you believe and want!!! Just one other person!!! Out of the hundreds or even thousands of people you can meet, you only need ONE.

Read, Recognize, And React!!!

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Potential vs Perfection

cropped-thppl.jpgIf you have lived long enough, you have heard people say many times that you get out of life what you put into it!!! Another famous saying is “nothing in life comes for free; you have to work hard to earn what you get from life”. Consequently, if you went to Bank of America today, you would not be able to withdraw $1000 from that bank if you have not put $1000 in to it. It is obvious why this is the case and it is summed up in a little word called Investment.  See; when you make an investment in something you will always get a return. Sometimes the returns are not what you may want or expect, but you will always get a return. I believe that the level of return you get back has a lot to do with the level of investment you put into it.

Some people do very little (or not enough) research before they invest, while others may mean well, yet they still make poor investment decisions. Some people, in fact, do ample research and due diligence but still ignore signs that may indicate they are making a bad choice. As much as there is no way to say that one system of investing is better than another, we can surely say that most great investors following the golden rule of investing in potential. The reason is simply because the possible return is greater than what you would receive from a more established investment.

Quite often you find that some people want to get the most out of a relationship without investing much into it; and that is simply not practical. You find that they “cheat” the relationship by doing the least amount possible for their mate, but expecting their mate to go above and beyond for them. Some people use persuasive and even manipulative tactics to make the relationship advantageous to their desires and wishes.

I know some people feel that “taking advantage of the relationship makes them the winner, but I still believe that making a fair and equal investment into the relationship is the key. Now it’s hard to argue against situations where people appear to be getting everything they want without putting much into it.  But what often happens is when they themselves are ready to fully invest in someone, that person they desire either shows little interest, or takes advantage of their investment.

I feel the reason this “cat and mouse” game is happening is because too often people are hoping and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Perfect. A man that is bigger, stronger, earns more money, and is more handsome than the other men she has dated. Men, consequently, are looking for the woman that are more generous, selfless, more attractive, and has a better shape than the other women he has dated. I believe that in our quest to find the perfect relationship we are overlooking mates who are not perfect but have great potential.  Let’s say you meet someone that has great potential and you help them reach their goals, you can ultimately share in their bliss. However, if you meet someone that already has achieved success, then you may always stand in their shadow instead of sharing the spotlight. So if you really consider yourself smart, talented, and successful, then what is wrong with investing in someone and helping them rise to your level or beyond?

One night, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Remember: Great people make great people!!! Don’t just use your smarts, talents, and success for your own ambition. INVEST IN OTHER PEOPLE’S POTENTIAL!!

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If you had three wishes

lamp and cloudIf you had three wishes that you wanted your mate to be, what would be those three wishes? Take a minute and really think about that. For some, they already know what the three wishes are because they wish there mate can fulfill them right now. For others, that might take a while because they want to pick the best three. Some people would wish for physical, social, or maybe financial wishes coming true. For others, it may be more about emotional, mental, or even spiritual wishes being manifest. Irrespective of what your three wishes might be, you must remember that you, yourself, must be what you wish to see. In other words, if you wish your mate to have certain traits and qualities, you must also embody those same traits and qualities. Now I know some are saying that I go to church and I am a Christian and I want my mate to do the same, but right now they are not involved. In this example, you are asking for something from your mate that you are doing yourself. But are you really living it? Could it be that your mate doesn’t see right living in you and for this reason chooses not to get involved?

I believe that if you are a true Christian it shows in the way you live your life and in the way you treat others. I also believe that when it is done correctly, these people literally attract other people to them. They are the type of people you want to be around so maybe some of what they have may rub off on you. It is the exact same way with relationships. When a person is filled with happiness and joy, people of the opposite sex want to know “why are they so happy”. They see the joy and fun in that person, and who is not attracted to happiness and fun. Just with the Christian example above, people want to be around loving, joy-filled, and fun people because they feel it will rub off on them and make them better people. Now here is the challenge point for my ladies. Be happy!!! Have nothing but joy and love in your heart for everyone, especially for men if you want good men to come into your life. I accordingly say to Men to Be Real!!! Women love honesty. Let them know up front what they are getting from you. Good and bad. You may lose a few ladies because of it, but the ones that stay will not only love you, but they will respect you as well.

Now let’s take it a little deeper. I know most ladies want their man to be faithful and honest because they are going to faithful and honest with him. But the real question is, “do you fully expect and believe that he will be faithful and honest”? I ask this because if your fear is stronger than your belief that he will be faithful and honest, then your fears will win out. You have to understand the power of thoughts and words and how it can and will shape your reality. Although we may want a desired outcome, our deep down gut belief is that we will keep getting the opposite of what we desire. This has to change with you!!!! You’ve got to have the faith and belief that faithfulness and honesty does exist in a mate and will be in yours. You’ve got to believe that your faith and desire is strong enough to overcome any negative words, thoughts, actions, atmosphere, people and situations!!!!
Remember: We already have the “Great Genie” that is constantly doing magical things in our lives. All you have to do is make three wishes, make sure you are doing (or have done) your part correctly, then sit back and watch your wishes come true!!! THE END.

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Identify Yourself

ID-10099058I have to make an admission!!! For a while in my life I tried to make my identity into something that would be pleasing to others. I tried to identify with the things that would make it easy for me to fit in. If nothing else,Identify I made sure that I didn’t do anything that would make me stand out in a bad way. I believe that our Identities are often tied up in what people and society thinks and the factors that exist because of it. We understand that being identified in the wrong way can be damaging to us and our reputation. Because of this reason, so many people identify with the cultural norms. We will claim we are our own person and that we stand out from the rest, but really we are pretty much like everyone else. We typically go to the same restaurants that everybody else goes to. We want the same type of material possessions that everybody else has. We often shop at the same stores everybody else shops. Likewise, this society can be very hard on people who are different, that’s why most people may think they stand out but they really don’t.

This is so prevalent in relationships nowadays that it is destroying the fabric of that bond. So many people want to be identified as being self-ambitious. We want people to see our drive, our work, our hustle. We want to be recognized and be considered “The MAN” (or “The WOMAN”) when we walk through.

We have to understand that very few people were put on this earth for this reason. But we were all given a purpose and I believe that purpose is tied to at least one other person.   God designed and fashioned us for relationships. In my opinion “self-anything” is an insult to God. Who are you in God’s eyes? Who am I in God’s eyes?!!!! It’s not about who you are, it is about who you touch!!! Relationships are not designed for just attending to all of your self-serving pleasures and delights. But society would tell you different. Society has us bending rules, changing laws, and creating new norms. Relationships are being affected more by what is being watched in our house, then what is being taught in God’s house. We are being influenced more by TV than TD!!! We are identifying with the wrong set of standards.

We were not put here to be alone. He did not put us here to just live for ourselves. YES I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN HURT!!! We have all been hurt by someone and if we keep living we will be hurt or disappointed by someone else in the future. REMEMBER: It may not have been your choice to have gotten hurt; but it is totally your choice to stay hurt!!!! I believe everybody has somebody that will love them!! The question is will you allow that person to love you? Could it be that your self-Identity is getting in the way?

We have too many people that are so self-aware of how beautiful they are on the outside. They are so self-aware of how appealing their bodies are. They are so self-aware of how much money they make. They are so self-aware of their status at their job, but those things only really matter on a societal level.

(Philippians 2:3-4)“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

If we identified ourselves with the Bible verse above, I truly believe we would have better and stronger relationships and we would attract better relationships in the future.

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Love + Focus + Faith = Success

love-1As I sit back and think about all of the blogs I have written on this site, all I can do is thank God for continuing to give me more to say. I pray it is well received, but mostly I pray it is applied in your life to help you discover that special someone or make your relationship with that someone you are with better. With that being said, there is no place “better” than being in the presence of Love. So what is Love?
Love is the most powerful emotion that we can feel as humans. It is what we yearn for from our parents, family and friends. But the love we really seek (outside of seeking God’s love) is the love from our mate. But for some of us that love has been stepped on and crush. That love has been betrayed by cheating. That love has been mentally and physically abusing. That love has been one-sided and unbalanced. That love has been impatient and intolerable. That love has been mean-spirited and hateful. THAT IS NOT LOVE!!!! Love is light!!! Love is a light that shines brightly and eternally. So is that light shining brightly in you? Have you, or are you, letting someone put your light out? Whether you are married, in relationship, or single, the light of love should be beaming from you.
Now love isn’t about who has the power or control in the relationship. There are plenty of relationships where the lady may have the upper hand when it comes to having control and power, but are they receiving love? Are they giving love? Please don’t make the mistake of mixing power and control with love!!! They don’t mix!!!
In order to receive love you MUST GIVE love. In order to give love you MUST BE love (light). Your love light must shine brightly; it can’t be dim or buried under hurt and pain. It is your responsibility (and yours alone) to make sure your light is shining brightly!!! A ship in the night will not land upon your shore, if their is no light there to welcome it.

After you have powered up or recaptured your love light, now you have to set your sights on a target. This is so important because we must definitively know exactly what it is that we desire. In many sports the object of the game is to always keep your focus and attention on the target. Make it your goal to concentrate your efforts on attaining the relationship that you desire. Many things may come your way to distract you but you must remain vigilant. If your focus is even slightly altered, quickly re-focus your energy back on your target. Your love and unwavering focus on your target can without a doubt get the results you desire. Conversely, if you add a cup full of faith to that recipe, it is utterly impossible for you to fail at achieving your goal.

Faith is having belief for a desired result that has yet been seen. Having Faith that what is unknown will become known is a very powerful act. Faith causes you to search your soul and challenges you thoughts. When conventional wisdoms tell you that the outcome must be this or that, you must rely on faith to go against all that is conventional. When you are told that your mate will cheat, you must rely on your faith that a monogamous mate will be sent to you. When you are told your marriage will not last, you must rely on your faith that it will endure and thrive. When you are told that you will never get married, you must rely on your faith to know that someone special is being prepared for you. It is the combination of there three powerful “states” of being, that will surely lead you to relationship success.

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Should men get married

freeimage-1763564-webI know some people will find this title to be shocking, silly, or even sacrilegious. Some of you are probably saying “why would you even ask a question like that”. Well to be honest, I have never really thought about asking that question. See, like most men from the south, I grew up in the church and believe that every man is to find a wife and start a family. It wasn’t until recently, after watch a couple of Youtube videos on this subject, that I even gave the idea (should men get married) any thought. But after watching the compelling arguments that were made on this topic that I felt I had to do a blog on it. So here goes!!!!

In one of the Youtube videos I watched, Warren Coleman (author of the book titled “why nice guys shouldn’t get married”) stated, “in this point and time, in this society, America is no longer producing wives that respect and appreciate nice guys”. He also stated that “women want to be married, but they don’t want to be wives”. Another video that I watched (based on a book by Dr. Helen Smith titled “Men on Strike”) gave six reasons why men are avoiding marriage. The following is a summary of her six reasons.

  1. They will lose respect – in the past a man wasn’t concerned a true adult until he got married and had children. Today, however, husbands and fathers are the butts of jokes and they are constantly devalued. Ex. Father’s day gifts vs. Mother’s day gifts
  2. They will lose out on sex – Men who cohabitate with their partner but are not married, have much more sex than their wedded counterparts. Recent studies have also found that couples that cohabitate are happier than married couples.
  3. They can lose their children and their money – Men are aware of the danger of divorce, especially when it comes to courts showing favor to mothers. Men only get custody 10% of the time, and overwhelmingly are responsible for paying child support and alimony.
  4. They can lose their space – once a man gets married, he is relegated to the dirtiest part of the house. The attic, basement, or garage often becomes the domain that he is left to dwell in even though the home is supposed to be shared space.
  5. They can lose their freedom – If a man gets divorced and cannot afford to pay child support, he can get locked up.
  6. The single life is better than ever – in the past single men were looked at with suspension, but this is no longer the case. There are plenty of 40 year old bachelors. Employers look favorably at employees with non-committal or non-conflicting family responsibilities. Dating has gotten easier, and pre-marital sex is no longer taboo.

She ends her video by saying, “This is not due to laziness, but due to rational choices where men no longer see the value of participating in these areas. People respond to incentives, so if we want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition”.

Now I know that most will find these reasons as copouts, excuses, or flat out garbage. But it is worth exploring and investigating if these reasons and others might be why some men are not getting married. I would love to get your opinion on this topic or for you to ask the question to others for their opinion.

Remember: knowledge is power

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The List

the perfect wifeWhether you write it down on paper or keep it in your head, almost everybody has a list of traits they want the person they desire to marry to have. Some lists are short and to the point, while other lists are very long and detailed. Some people’s lists have become infamous, like the list that Chili from the group TLC provided on her short-lived reality TV show. Having a list is good because it allows you to stay focused on the qualities you are looking for in a mate. That being said, here is a suggestion that I believe will make your list even better.  Instead of building a list that is concentrating solely on things you want from him now, create your list based on the qualities you would like from him when you are married 20-30 years from now. Think in terms of your relationship and marriage as a long term investment. When you are in your golden years together what will be important for you to have from him in your companionship? Try not to be short-sighted in your view of the substance you value from your mate.

We all know that we will go through changes in life, so it must be important to not base your list on things that could change quickly or fade fast. Now there is nothing wrong with having items on your list like looks, income, sexual prowess, etc, but where does this leave you if for whatever reason these elements change quickly or fade fast? Do you go out and cheat on your mate because things have changed? Do you seek a divorce? Do you spend your days complaining about what has changed? But if you focus on building your list around lasting characteristic that you require from your mate, you are now building a list that will not only bring you happiness now but for years to come. Focusing on substantive traits like sense of humor, ease of communication, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, and caring, I believe will lead to more fulfillment as the years move on.

I am sure you do not want to find yourself growing apart because the qualities you sought on your list were not enduring. I am also sure that you do not want to be the couple at the restaurant that can’t wait for the food to come because you both can’t communicate with each other? Have you thought about how would he look at you twenty to thirty years from now? If he is looking at you from a purely physical standpoint, and your physical appearance changes over the next several years, than will he look at you the same? But if he is looking at and loving your inner beauty, your spirit, your energy, your wit, your humor, your personality, your values, your talents, then he is looking at the essence of you, and those qualities rarely ever change.

The question you have to ask yourself is “what traits do I want my mate to have years from now”? Do we enjoy each other’s company?  Do we enjoy talking to each other and can talk for hours about anything? Is this person my best friend? What is his value system? What is his Belief system? Do you have the same interest in health and diet? Does he enjoy hearing about your ideas and views? Is he doing things for you right now that you know will bring you lasting happiness for the next forty years? So instead of building your list solely on the attributes you want today, think about the attributes that you want from your mate as you grow older with him. The ultimate question is “are the attributes on your list that are important to you now, going to be important to you as you grow older?

Remember: Life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Therefore endurance, not speed, wins the race.

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A woman responds to “My advice after 16 years of marriage”

love-2I’m a woman, divorced after 7 years of marriage. I read your post and appreciate the heart behind the advice. The fact that you recognize the part you played in the scheme of things is a feat in itself. Being able to face the past with openness and humility is admirable and not something many can, or even want, to accomplish.

Given my experience, there are some key concepts I learned in my journey as well. We women have equal responsibility in making a marriage work. For all the points mentioned for husbands, there are perhaps also some for wives I would like to share.

1. Always seek out the best in him. Dwell on those things, not what you don’t like about him.

2. Have sex with him. Often!!! All the time if need be.

3. Seek counsel from older, wiser women who have succeeded in their marriages. It’s impossible to make good decisions when we’re emotional. And seeking counsel from your friends who are your own age isn’t as good as counsel from elderly women.

4. Let him zone out. He is not ignoring you; men just have moments of brain freeze.

5. It is not your job to change or fix him. We are all on a journey.

6. Tell him how big/strong/smart/manly he is ALL THE TIME. They tend to forget.

7. Never forget or take for granted that your man chose you.

8. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they aren’t funny.

9. We are responsible for our reactions, no one else. We must take full accountability of our emotions and how we respond. And so must he.

10. Make him that goddam sandwich.

11. Allow your man to just be. Be a comfort, gentle, and giving spirit when the times call for it.

12. Quit your bitching when he gets home, let him chill.

13. Love him in the way he needs it, not the way you assume he needs it. Find out your different love languages and be sensitive and ready to show him you love him in ways he understands best.

14. Make yourself look pretty. The more feminine you act the more it reminds him he is a man.

15. Be present. Give him your time and attention when he needs it. In my experience, during those times I did serve him, he over time, served me.

16. Never talk about other men, even if they are fictional or movie, even if it’s to say “you are so much hotter than that guy” Most men already think they are, so this will confuse them.

17. Be willing to have him sexually. Let him know you need his masculine presence, that you trust him fully.

18. Never read advice on the internet from strangers. They probably don’t know you and will make you do stupid crap that will not be applicable or appropriate in your marriage… except for singleblackdatingtips.com (I couldn’t resist!!!)

19. Give him space. He needs times to find his new self (we change constantly) before he can give of himself.

20. By doing these things it would not mean a wife doesn’t expect her husband to be great too, or is to blame for the breakdown, just that she is doing her part to make a better half of a marriage.

21. Be vulnerable. Do not be afraid to share your fears and feelings. Men tend to know when we’re keeping things from them. And they know when we’re transparent. And, I can’t emphasize this more: acknowledge your mistakes. Say you’re sorry when you know you need to.

22. Allow your husband to love you his way instead of comparing his expression of love to your own ideals. If you keep comparing, you may miss the most beautiful moments of tenderness.

23. Do not be afraid to be fully transparent. This builds great trust over time.

24. Don’t ever, ever, ever put your spouse down in public! He has to have someone that he knows will have his back. If you need to discuss something he did or said, do it in private. No one wants corrected in front of others. Once discussed and fixed, let it go!

25. Find common hobbies, goals and dreams. Also, find common ground in your faith. Never stop growing together. Laugh lots. Fall in love over and over again.

26. Many times, we cannot connect or reconnect because we have created a version of them in our mind and hearts that justifies our own weakness. As long as we see them as the caricature we’ve created we cannot connect to them, because that caricature is not them. Own your feelings, own your results, meet your own needs, turn to a higher power for what you lack, and allow your higher power to make up for what pain your spouse will cause. Even the best human among us will cause another pain, its part of being human.

27. Don’t let financial issues come between you.

28. Acknowledge and embrace each others pasts, it made you who you are. Speak up, talk about “it” when it happens instead of fighting about it a month later.

29. Forgive. Don’t let history hold you or your man hostage.

30. Never underestimate the power of simply touching each other. Sometimes it can say what words can not.

31. Always, choose love. Love is action, not emotion. Don’t miss that.

Make sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section. We will moderate so that each comment is original and contributive. 

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Do Men Listen to Women?

black-woman-not-feeling-black-manI know this may come as a shock to some women, but men really do listen to what women have to say. We have all heard the story of the man that gets lost because he refuses to stop and ask for directions like his wonderful mate suggested. As true as this story is, let us not characterize these men as non-listeners because they got lost. I propose that the man WAS listening to his wonderful mate; he just made the choice to ignore the suggestions she was making. To say that men do not listen to women is ludicrous!!! If the man does not listen to what his lady is saying when they are in the beginning stages of their relationship, then how would he know what things she likes? What things make her happy? What things she does not like? What turns her on or off? This is information that is acquired by listening calmly and intently to what she is saying.

My belief is that men do listen to women. But like most women, men have a filter that they use to keep the information that is important to them and “filter out” the rest. Women call this auditory art “selective hearing”, and yes men do have it too. It kinda goes like this. In a conversation, the man may choose to filter out certain parts of what the woman is saying based on a few different beliefs: A) he has heard this information or similar information before, therefore he can discard it. B) He has no real interest in what is being said or it does not apply to him, thus he may disregard it. Therefore it may take new information or interesting information injected into the conversation to get the man engaged again. Understand that this happens to everybody in all types of conversations, so don’t let it worry you. You should only show concerns if the man easily and often loses his attention to the conversation that you all are having.  Now as much as someone listening to you talk is important, knowing that they are engrossed and engage in the conversation should be the goal. With that in mind, I guess the bigger question that should be asked is “do men care to listen to you”?

I say this because you would not believe how many men really don’t care to listen to what their girlfriend or spouse has to say!!! To some men it is a NESSASARY EVIL that they have to find harmony with in order to be with her. Some men go to great lengths to shorten or even abruptly end conversations with women. The advent of texting has made this a much easier method for a man. He really does not have to engage in prolonged discourse to acquire the obligatory bonding. He can simply text with the woman, which will keep the conversation short and sweet, and he can end the discussion at any time by simply not responding any further. This can be a win-win situation for men that want to stay connected with a woman without investing a heavy expenditure on dialogue.

With the advancements in technology for non-traditional communication, who is to say how someone should carry on a discussion with others. The fact still remains that communication is an essential and vital key to grow and develop any relationship. Just know that the more he is interested in you, the more he listens to what you say and cares about what you think and how you feel. That is, and will always be, the most important point!!!

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