Tag Archives: dating

10 Signs you shouldn’t be dating your Ex again

If you are tempted to date your EX after multiple attempts of reaching out to you or long apologies, this one is for you. The old cliché ‘try again till you succeed’ doesn’t really fit the relationship with your EX. … Continue reading

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How long is too long to wait to get engaged?

This post is part of Reader Request Month The beauty of relationships is the progression into something new, going to new levels together as you walk in faith and purpose. In our dating relationships, you feel the excitement at each … Continue reading

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5 Date Ideas For the Creativity-Challenged Man

Dating can be hard. If you’re not too creative, and you’re having a hard time coming up with fun things to do, take note of these date ideas. Read more: mybrotha.com Share this:

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See it before you see it.

love-1Plenty has been said and written about the power of Imagination. There are numerous video’s you can find on the internet that go in depth about using your vision and imagination to turn your dreams into reality. Suffice it to say, we all had dreams that we at one time desired to come true. When they didn’t come true, we perhaps thought it was not in the cards for us to realize that achievement. But what if I told you that you only really need three elements to make any desire manifest in your life. Those three elements are Vision, Focus, and Drive. Of course you obviously have to envision your goal, but furthermore you have to stay Visually Focus on it and Drive toward it every day.
An assistant college football coach asked a reporter that was conducting an interview with him the question, “what is the most important body part a young man needs to catch a football”? Without hesitation (or much thought) the reporter quickly replied “his hands”. The coach, with a devilish grin, sarcastically replied, “Well let me put a blindfold over your eyes and throw this football at you”!
This exchange, obviously exemplifies the statement, “you can’t catch what you can’t see”. This is also true about your goals and dreams. We cannot allow our Vision, in any way, to be altered, blurred, distracted or flat out blinded!!! If you cannot see, you cannot drive (move forward)!!! Our Vision, the foreseeing of the end result and what it will look like, is what keeps us Driven and Focus.
Now, I know this sounds more like a life lesson (and it is), but it is also a relationship lesson. See, if we apply the same principles of Vision, Focus and Drive to our relationship desires, we can accomplish the goals we set to achieve in that area of life too.
1. See (Vision) yourself in that loving relationship; see yourself with someone who is faithful and honest, or whatever traits you want that person to have. Stay Focused on it and Drive it into your head (Mind) that you can and will have it and are worthy of it.

2. Don’t just picture the physical features but also concentrate on things beyond the physical. Traits like love, thoughtfulness, and faithfulness are much more enduring than the physical traits and will be more appreciated and cherished over time.
3. If someone or something comes along and tries to get you out of that belief, get away from them or it as quickly as possible and immediately Focus on your goal again. The more time, energy and effort you put into it, the more quickly and abundantly it will come to you.

4. Understand that if your current thoughts are not even close to what you desire, then you will have to Focus longer and stay Driven longer to realize what you Visualize. I firmly believe the more you WORK at it you will see progress, and hopefully that will fuel you to stay on the current path.

5. See yourself being helpful and beneficial to that person. See yourself being an asset in all phases of that person’s life. See yourself adding significance and value to that person’s life.
6. Please have the same character and morals you desire your mate to have. If you don’t have them, WORK on developing them now.

7. Lastly, remember it is YOUR VISION for the relationship that YOU WANT!!!
It is amazing to me that so many people will allow others to tell them or make them believe they can’t have the relationship they want. Something like, “that sounds good and all, but we know that’s not real”. Truth is, it is as real as you think and believe it to be. And the crazy part is, you only need ONE other potential mate to believe and want what you believe and want!!! Just one other person!!! Out of the hundreds or even thousands of people you can meet, you only need ONE.

Read, Recognize, And React!!!

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Potential vs Perfection

cropped-thppl.jpgIf you have lived long enough, you have heard people say many times that you get out of life what you put into it!!! Another famous saying is “nothing in life comes for free; you have to work hard to earn what you get from life”. Consequently, if you went to Bank of America today, you would not be able to withdraw $1000 from that bank if you have not put $1000 in to it. It is obvious why this is the case and it is summed up in a little word called Investment.  See; when you make an investment in something you will always get a return. Sometimes the returns are not what you may want or expect, but you will always get a return. I believe that the level of return you get back has a lot to do with the level of investment you put into it.

Some people do very little (or not enough) research before they invest, while others may mean well, yet they still make poor investment decisions. Some people, in fact, do ample research and due diligence but still ignore signs that may indicate they are making a bad choice. As much as there is no way to say that one system of investing is better than another, we can surely say that most great investors following the golden rule of investing in potential. The reason is simply because the possible return is greater than what you would receive from a more established investment.

Quite often you find that some people want to get the most out of a relationship without investing much into it; and that is simply not practical. You find that they “cheat” the relationship by doing the least amount possible for their mate, but expecting their mate to go above and beyond for them. Some people use persuasive and even manipulative tactics to make the relationship advantageous to their desires and wishes.

I know some people feel that “taking advantage of the relationship makes them the winner, but I still believe that making a fair and equal investment into the relationship is the key. Now it’s hard to argue against situations where people appear to be getting everything they want without putting much into it.  But what often happens is when they themselves are ready to fully invest in someone, that person they desire either shows little interest, or takes advantage of their investment.

I feel the reason this “cat and mouse” game is happening is because too often people are hoping and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Perfect. A man that is bigger, stronger, earns more money, and is more handsome than the other men she has dated. Men, consequently, are looking for the woman that are more generous, selfless, more attractive, and has a better shape than the other women he has dated. I believe that in our quest to find the perfect relationship we are overlooking mates who are not perfect but have great potential.  Let’s say you meet someone that has great potential and you help them reach their goals, you can ultimately share in their bliss. However, if you meet someone that already has achieved success, then you may always stand in their shadow instead of sharing the spotlight. So if you really consider yourself smart, talented, and successful, then what is wrong with investing in someone and helping them rise to your level or beyond?

One night, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Remember: Great people make great people!!! Don’t just use your smarts, talents, and success for your own ambition. INVEST IN OTHER PEOPLE’S POTENTIAL!!

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Break us to make us

repairblackloveIt is said that when someone has a bad habit or a bad trait that has become a problem, one has to break that habit or trait in order to create a new and better habit. This process of breaking sometime in order to fix it and make it better is not something new. It is said that when human bones break and are reset back in place, the bone actually grows back harder and stronger to help protect it from breaking again. The whole concept of muscle building is breaking down and tearing up the muscle so that the muscle repairs itself strong and thinker than before. A dear friend from college named Cynthia sent me a text that moved me to write this blog. In the text it stated the following: “I heard this this morning while watching TD Jakes: Some things break us to bless us and make us better. Every time Jesus broke the bread when He was feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread it multiplied and kept on Blessing. He does the same with us.”

At some point we have had our hearts broken. This is not done to make us scared to love again; it is to make our hearts stronger and our love deeper. It allows us to take a keener look into what we truly desire so we can meditate on those desires and make them manifest within us. When muscles breaks down and builds back up they are better than before, likewise, this is also how we should be in terms of broken hearts and broken feelings. But we must remember the fundamental key to making that which is broken even stronger and better is Healing.

Listen, if you broke a leg on a dining room table and you put it back together knowing it is fragile (not attached well), then you are going to be careful with that table. You will not put much weight on it and you will try not to let anyone near it.
However when you know that it was put back together properly and, in fact, is stronger and more secured than it was before, then you have no fear in letting anyone near it and put their weight on it. It is the same with our hearts.                                                        The question is did we take the time to let our hearts heal and become stronger like we would if we broke our leg? Or did we just put it back together with whatever we had available to us, now we will not let anyone near it because we know it might fall apart?

The physical Heart is often referred to as the “Heart Muscle,” and having it work correctly is critical to our good health and long living. The relationship “Heart” plays the same role as being essential to our relationship happiness and lasting feelings of love. Therefore when that Heart is broken, it is the equivalent of the physical Heart stopping. Nowadays thanks to the improvements in medicine, a person can have a heart attack and still go on to live a healthy and productive life. But often lifestyle changes need to be made that will bring the Heart back alignment with good health.

1. You must feed your relationship heart good healthy, life-giving, energy-giving love.
2. You must avoid putting your relationship heart under stress. No relationship will be stress-free but it’s not supposed to be stress-full.
3. You must exercise your relationship heart. You can’t sit around in fear and hurt, you must work toward achieving the goal you desire.
Remember: Just like the fish and loaves of bread, a heart that was broken can be a blessing to so many. A heart that was broken and still full of pain, hurt, and fear, can’t be a blessing even to itself.

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If you had three wishes

lamp and cloudIf you had three wishes that you wanted your mate to be, what would be those three wishes? Take a minute and really think about that. For some, they already know what the three wishes are because they wish there mate can fulfill them right now. For others, that might take a while because they want to pick the best three. Some people would wish for physical, social, or maybe financial wishes coming true. For others, it may be more about emotional, mental, or even spiritual wishes being manifest. Irrespective of what your three wishes might be, you must remember that you, yourself, must be what you wish to see. In other words, if you wish your mate to have certain traits and qualities, you must also embody those same traits and qualities. Now I know some are saying that I go to church and I am a Christian and I want my mate to do the same, but right now they are not involved. In this example, you are asking for something from your mate that you are doing yourself. But are you really living it? Could it be that your mate doesn’t see right living in you and for this reason chooses not to get involved?

I believe that if you are a true Christian it shows in the way you live your life and in the way you treat others. I also believe that when it is done correctly, these people literally attract other people to them. They are the type of people you want to be around so maybe some of what they have may rub off on you. It is the exact same way with relationships. When a person is filled with happiness and joy, people of the opposite sex want to know “why are they so happy”. They see the joy and fun in that person, and who is not attracted to happiness and fun. Just with the Christian example above, people want to be around loving, joy-filled, and fun people because they feel it will rub off on them and make them better people. Now here is the challenge point for my ladies. Be happy!!! Have nothing but joy and love in your heart for everyone, especially for men if you want good men to come into your life. I accordingly say to Men to Be Real!!! Women love honesty. Let them know up front what they are getting from you. Good and bad. You may lose a few ladies because of it, but the ones that stay will not only love you, but they will respect you as well.

Now let’s take it a little deeper. I know most ladies want their man to be faithful and honest because they are going to faithful and honest with him. But the real question is, “do you fully expect and believe that he will be faithful and honest”? I ask this because if your fear is stronger than your belief that he will be faithful and honest, then your fears will win out. You have to understand the power of thoughts and words and how it can and will shape your reality. Although we may want a desired outcome, our deep down gut belief is that we will keep getting the opposite of what we desire. This has to change with you!!!! You’ve got to have the faith and belief that faithfulness and honesty does exist in a mate and will be in yours. You’ve got to believe that your faith and desire is strong enough to overcome any negative words, thoughts, actions, atmosphere, people and situations!!!!
Remember: We already have the “Great Genie” that is constantly doing magical things in our lives. All you have to do is make three wishes, make sure you are doing (or have done) your part correctly, then sit back and watch your wishes come true!!! THE END.

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Get “Ripped”

black_love_lostSo, what is the first thing that comes to mind when we hear the phrase “get ripped”. Well for anybody that exercises or has tried to get in shape, you have heard this phrase quite a few times. For those that do not know what this term means I will break it down for you. Getting “ripped” is the process of exercising to a point that the cuts and symmetry of a person’s muscles are visible to the naked eye. The dictionary defines this term as “Having an extremely defined physique; toned: ripped, bulging muscles”.

Now I know we have all seen someone that was” Ripped”. Maybe you are currently in that state physically or were when you were younger. But the question that I have for you is, what does it mean to “get ripped” relationship wise? What steps would need to be taken to achieve this goal?

1. We all know that you can’t achieve any goal without knowing exactly what your goal is, and what it will look like when you accomplish it. In bodybuilding, there are many photos in magazines and on the internet of toned and fit men and women. But what does a toned and fit relationship look like? This must be the first goal because seeing what that looks like and knowing what it takes to attain this lets us know what we have to work toward. You must formulate a clear and defined picture of that healthy and loving relationship that you aspire to have. Most people find working out with a partner helps them to stay motivated and focus. Therefore I also believe it is a great idea relationship wise to have someone around to “work out” with. Someone that is in the type of relationship you want to have or that desires the same type of relationship you desire. This person can be very positive for you mentally and emotionally. Thus helping you to stay the course when you may get discouraged or when you run into negative people and influences.

2. Now it is time to work!!! The question is how much time and effort are we willing to put into get “relationship ripped”? Most people that exercise and has incorporated it into their daily routine, will work out at least 2-4 times a week or more. It is true that you only get out of something what you put into it. So if you want the relationship results you desire, you must spend time “exercising” your relationship muscles. Make the time in your daily or weekly routine to do stuff that will improve your chances of meeting, dating, and keeping someone special in your life. Use this time to work on known weaknesses and seek honest advice about areas where you can make improvements.

3. Anybody that exercises will tell you that your dietary habits may be even more important than how much you exercise. Your diet can literally kill any chance of you seeing the results you want to accomplish. The same can be said about your relationship diet!!! In relationship diet I am speaking of the things that you put in your body through your eyes and ears that pertain to relationships. Are the images and programming your watching showing you a positive relationship picture? Are the conversations you are having and music you are listening to speak of relationships in a loving and positive manner? If they are not, then you must change your diet to ingest information that will help your “relationship” body get toned, cut, and “ripped”. Now that you have the game plan, it now time to get “RELATIONSHIP RIPPED”!!!!!

Remember: You are what you eat!!! So go read my previous blog titled “you are what you eat”  

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Why do Men run away from good Women?

FathersLove-JANICEHUSEThere are so many reasons for men running away from women that are good to them. Therefore I cannot possibly talk about every motive in this blog, but I would like to address something that I feel may contribute to this phenomenon.  We often times want to point to the last person he was involved with in a relationship as the problem. Maybe even the women he dated long ago or a failed marriage. All these factors can, and possibly do play a part in his inability to stay committed and devoted to a good, loyal, and loving woman.  But I just want to talk about a subject that could also help contribute to this issue. I propose that some issues may have occurred, and have not been corrected, from experiences he underwent during his childhood and adolescent years.

He may have, in some instances, seen his parents act inappropriately in the marriage. This could delineate anything from witnessing violent arguments, to having an adulterous affair come to light. This can result in the feeling of “if my parents cannot get it right, then how would I be able to get it right”.

He may have seen his single mom date several different guys (and sleep with many of them) but they do not stay together. By the time he begins to like them and grow attached to them, they are gone. This can lead to trust issues like “will the person I care about stay around or leave me”.

He may have tried young love and gotten his heart broken. This can consequently be followed by receiving bad advice on dealing with the pain of a broken heart. Unwise friends and family members may make reprehensible and improper remarks like, “you should never trust or love them “hoes”.

Clearly for a young boy, the relationship with his mom is a special bond. He will often try to protect her, especially after he has seen her get hurt by somebody. So just imagine how he is feeling to see her go through a failed situation with a man. He will often times hurt in silence because he needs and relies on her for sustenance and guidance. Even though he may be told “it is none of your business” or I’m grown and you’re not”, it still hurts and it is still affecting him in a negative way. He also will rely, and look up to, his Dad for strength, guidance, and understanding. But if his Dad is not present, or is a bad example for him, he may miss having that strong male figure to direct his path.

The problem is when a man experiences certain issues as a child; these issues can take hold and become rooted in the child’s mind. These thoughts can then develop and grow over the years without anyone knowing, because the child is holding it in. Later in life these thoughts and emotions can come to the surface and manifest itself in a number of harmful and destructive ways. The results could be anything from jealousy, infidelity, abuse (verbal and\or physical), possessiveness, and distrust just to name a few.

This is why it is so important for women to desire a man that understands and addresses issues from his past. If you are with a man that always says “I don’t know”, “I don’t understand why”, or cannot explain why he does things that hurt you, then that is not a good sign. In order to correct any problem, you have to know and understand what the problem is and what is causing it. If he does not know or cannot explain why he does what he does, how can he ever fix it!!!!

Food for thought:  it’s harder to make mistakes when the examples that you see before you are doing it the right way.

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Do Men Listen to Women?

black-woman-not-feeling-black-manI know this may come as a shock to some women, but men really do listen to what women have to say. We have all heard the story of the man that gets lost because he refuses to stop and ask for directions like his wonderful mate suggested. As true as this story is, let us not characterize these men as non-listeners because they got lost. I propose that the man WAS listening to his wonderful mate; he just made the choice to ignore the suggestions she was making. To say that men do not listen to women is ludicrous!!! If the man does not listen to what his lady is saying when they are in the beginning stages of their relationship, then how would he know what things she likes? What things make her happy? What things she does not like? What turns her on or off? This is information that is acquired by listening calmly and intently to what she is saying.

My belief is that men do listen to women. But like most women, men have a filter that they use to keep the information that is important to them and “filter out” the rest. Women call this auditory art “selective hearing”, and yes men do have it too. It kinda goes like this. In a conversation, the man may choose to filter out certain parts of what the woman is saying based on a few different beliefs: A) he has heard this information or similar information before, therefore he can discard it. B) He has no real interest in what is being said or it does not apply to him, thus he may disregard it. Therefore it may take new information or interesting information injected into the conversation to get the man engaged again. Understand that this happens to everybody in all types of conversations, so don’t let it worry you. You should only show concerns if the man easily and often loses his attention to the conversation that you all are having.  Now as much as someone listening to you talk is important, knowing that they are engrossed and engage in the conversation should be the goal. With that in mind, I guess the bigger question that should be asked is “do men care to listen to you”?

I say this because you would not believe how many men really don’t care to listen to what their girlfriend or spouse has to say!!! To some men it is a NESSASARY EVIL that they have to find harmony with in order to be with her. Some men go to great lengths to shorten or even abruptly end conversations with women. The advent of texting has made this a much easier method for a man. He really does not have to engage in prolonged discourse to acquire the obligatory bonding. He can simply text with the woman, which will keep the conversation short and sweet, and he can end the discussion at any time by simply not responding any further. This can be a win-win situation for men that want to stay connected with a woman without investing a heavy expenditure on dialogue.

With the advancements in technology for non-traditional communication, who is to say how someone should carry on a discussion with others. The fact still remains that communication is an essential and vital key to grow and develop any relationship. Just know that the more he is interested in you, the more he listens to what you say and cares about what you think and how you feel. That is, and will always be, the most important point!!!

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