Tag Archives: happiness

What does your sign say?

repairblackloveI believe everyone should live their lives to the fullest and that means making yourself happy, but unless you want to live life alone, you must be conscience of making room for a significant other. I talked about this topic in an earlier blog called “prepare a place” but I want to take this a step further. It appears that in a quest to arrange our lives in the way that would make us happier, we are (knowingly or unknowingly) blocking out someone special from entering into our lives. For example, just imagine yourself as a piece of property (motel, hotel, apartment or house), with each property having some type of signage that lets you know the level of time commitment expected. You may have a sign outside that says “$39.99 per night with hourly rates available”, while another sign might read “extended stay” or “first month free for one year”. These signs indicate not only the time commitment desired, but also to an extent, the condition the property is in and how it is operated.

I realize that the anticipated significant other may not be currently present, but if the sign on your property reads “closed for business”, then the person will keep it moving and not even stop to inquire. See, if the overarching thought you have about having someone special in your life is “leave me alone” or “don’t bother me”, then that energy creates a force field around you that repels people with good intentions. Notice I said “people with good intentions”, because you must know that people with bad intentions don’t care what your signs say. They don’t want to stay long anyway nor do they care about leaving “a mess” behind for you to clean up. You see, someone that is going to stay for a while is going to take better care of you (your property) like they would their own home. They will try to make improvements and suggest positive changes that can be made with your approval. But someone with no good intent will do just the opposite and leave you (your property) worse than they found you. Now I know you are saying to yourself, “if my sign is saying closed for business, that means closed for business for everyone right?” Well, not exactly, because you have to remember what state of mind (energy) you are in. It is not a state of mind where you are open, loving, welcoming and desiring someone special, it is the opposite.

This state (energy)allows you to be easy preyed a pond by undesirable people because they too don’t want anything lasting or significant. Plus, I don’t have to tell you what happens to a property that is shut down for any extended period of time and the people it attracts. Also, let’s be honest, most people will not totally shut down; meaning they may be open to certain people or certain situations. These people will only offer short term, get over the hump, situations that will not last long. For example, most people rent because they are not able to own a home. But renters are essentially borrowers (have a landlord, maintenance man can come in your place when you are not home, etc.) but someone that buys a home is an owner (no landlord, nobody enters unless the owner authorize, etc.). My point is, too many people are letting themselves be rented out instead of demanding and working for lifetime ownership. Now I understand that sometimes renting may be the best option for a period of time, but there is nothing like having a property you can call your own!!! My suggestion is that you change the sign from “close for business” to “close for repairs” and work on your property in prayer (or meditation) everyday. Before you know it you will be able to turn what was a short-term lease property into a long-term mortgage property.

Read, Recognize, React!!!

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Potential vs Perfection

cropped-thppl.jpgIf you have lived long enough, you have heard people say many times that you get out of life what you put into it!!! Another famous saying is “nothing in life comes for free; you have to work hard to earn what you get from life”. Consequently, if you went to Bank of America today, you would not be able to withdraw $1000 from that bank if you have not put $1000 in to it. It is obvious why this is the case and it is summed up in a little word called Investment.  See; when you make an investment in something you will always get a return. Sometimes the returns are not what you may want or expect, but you will always get a return. I believe that the level of return you get back has a lot to do with the level of investment you put into it.

Some people do very little (or not enough) research before they invest, while others may mean well, yet they still make poor investment decisions. Some people, in fact, do ample research and due diligence but still ignore signs that may indicate they are making a bad choice. As much as there is no way to say that one system of investing is better than another, we can surely say that most great investors following the golden rule of investing in potential. The reason is simply because the possible return is greater than what you would receive from a more established investment.

Quite often you find that some people want to get the most out of a relationship without investing much into it; and that is simply not practical. You find that they “cheat” the relationship by doing the least amount possible for their mate, but expecting their mate to go above and beyond for them. Some people use persuasive and even manipulative tactics to make the relationship advantageous to their desires and wishes.

I know some people feel that “taking advantage of the relationship makes them the winner, but I still believe that making a fair and equal investment into the relationship is the key. Now it’s hard to argue against situations where people appear to be getting everything they want without putting much into it.  But what often happens is when they themselves are ready to fully invest in someone, that person they desire either shows little interest, or takes advantage of their investment.

I feel the reason this “cat and mouse” game is happening is because too often people are hoping and waiting for Mr. or Ms. Perfect. A man that is bigger, stronger, earns more money, and is more handsome than the other men she has dated. Men, consequently, are looking for the woman that are more generous, selfless, more attractive, and has a better shape than the other women he has dated. I believe that in our quest to find the perfect relationship we are overlooking mates who are not perfect but have great potential.  Let’s say you meet someone that has great potential and you help them reach their goals, you can ultimately share in their bliss. However, if you meet someone that already has achieved success, then you may always stand in their shadow instead of sharing the spotlight. So if you really consider yourself smart, talented, and successful, then what is wrong with investing in someone and helping them rise to your level or beyond?

One night, President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Remember: Great people make great people!!! Don’t just use your smarts, talents, and success for your own ambition. INVEST IN OTHER PEOPLE’S POTENTIAL!!

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Break us to make us

repairblackloveIt is said that when someone has a bad habit or a bad trait that has become a problem, one has to break that habit or trait in order to create a new and better habit. This process of breaking sometime in order to fix it and make it better is not something new. It is said that when human bones break and are reset back in place, the bone actually grows back harder and stronger to help protect it from breaking again. The whole concept of muscle building is breaking down and tearing up the muscle so that the muscle repairs itself strong and thinker than before. A dear friend from college named Cynthia sent me a text that moved me to write this blog. In the text it stated the following: “I heard this this morning while watching TD Jakes: Some things break us to bless us and make us better. Every time Jesus broke the bread when He was feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread it multiplied and kept on Blessing. He does the same with us.”

At some point we have had our hearts broken. This is not done to make us scared to love again; it is to make our hearts stronger and our love deeper. It allows us to take a keener look into what we truly desire so we can meditate on those desires and make them manifest within us. When muscles breaks down and builds back up they are better than before, likewise, this is also how we should be in terms of broken hearts and broken feelings. But we must remember the fundamental key to making that which is broken even stronger and better is Healing.

Listen, if you broke a leg on a dining room table and you put it back together knowing it is fragile (not attached well), then you are going to be careful with that table. You will not put much weight on it and you will try not to let anyone near it.
However when you know that it was put back together properly and, in fact, is stronger and more secured than it was before, then you have no fear in letting anyone near it and put their weight on it. It is the same with our hearts.                                                        The question is did we take the time to let our hearts heal and become stronger like we would if we broke our leg? Or did we just put it back together with whatever we had available to us, now we will not let anyone near it because we know it might fall apart?

The physical Heart is often referred to as the “Heart Muscle,” and having it work correctly is critical to our good health and long living. The relationship “Heart” plays the same role as being essential to our relationship happiness and lasting feelings of love. Therefore when that Heart is broken, it is the equivalent of the physical Heart stopping. Nowadays thanks to the improvements in medicine, a person can have a heart attack and still go on to live a healthy and productive life. But often lifestyle changes need to be made that will bring the Heart back alignment with good health.

1. You must feed your relationship heart good healthy, life-giving, energy-giving love.
2. You must avoid putting your relationship heart under stress. No relationship will be stress-free but it’s not supposed to be stress-full.
3. You must exercise your relationship heart. You can’t sit around in fear and hurt, you must work toward achieving the goal you desire.
Remember: Just like the fish and loaves of bread, a heart that was broken can be a blessing to so many. A heart that was broken and still full of pain, hurt, and fear, can’t be a blessing even to itself.

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If you had three wishes

lamp and cloudIf you had three wishes that you wanted your mate to be, what would be those three wishes? Take a minute and really think about that. For some, they already know what the three wishes are because they wish there mate can fulfill them right now. For others, that might take a while because they want to pick the best three. Some people would wish for physical, social, or maybe financial wishes coming true. For others, it may be more about emotional, mental, or even spiritual wishes being manifest. Irrespective of what your three wishes might be, you must remember that you, yourself, must be what you wish to see. In other words, if you wish your mate to have certain traits and qualities, you must also embody those same traits and qualities. Now I know some are saying that I go to church and I am a Christian and I want my mate to do the same, but right now they are not involved. In this example, you are asking for something from your mate that you are doing yourself. But are you really living it? Could it be that your mate doesn’t see right living in you and for this reason chooses not to get involved?

I believe that if you are a true Christian it shows in the way you live your life and in the way you treat others. I also believe that when it is done correctly, these people literally attract other people to them. They are the type of people you want to be around so maybe some of what they have may rub off on you. It is the exact same way with relationships. When a person is filled with happiness and joy, people of the opposite sex want to know “why are they so happy”. They see the joy and fun in that person, and who is not attracted to happiness and fun. Just with the Christian example above, people want to be around loving, joy-filled, and fun people because they feel it will rub off on them and make them better people. Now here is the challenge point for my ladies. Be happy!!! Have nothing but joy and love in your heart for everyone, especially for men if you want good men to come into your life. I accordingly say to Men to Be Real!!! Women love honesty. Let them know up front what they are getting from you. Good and bad. You may lose a few ladies because of it, but the ones that stay will not only love you, but they will respect you as well.

Now let’s take it a little deeper. I know most ladies want their man to be faithful and honest because they are going to faithful and honest with him. But the real question is, “do you fully expect and believe that he will be faithful and honest”? I ask this because if your fear is stronger than your belief that he will be faithful and honest, then your fears will win out. You have to understand the power of thoughts and words and how it can and will shape your reality. Although we may want a desired outcome, our deep down gut belief is that we will keep getting the opposite of what we desire. This has to change with you!!!! You’ve got to have the faith and belief that faithfulness and honesty does exist in a mate and will be in yours. You’ve got to believe that your faith and desire is strong enough to overcome any negative words, thoughts, actions, atmosphere, people and situations!!!!
Remember: We already have the “Great Genie” that is constantly doing magical things in our lives. All you have to do is make three wishes, make sure you are doing (or have done) your part correctly, then sit back and watch your wishes come true!!! THE END.

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9 things that people in successful relationships never do

ID-10066205I strongly believe that the same rules that apply in being successful in business are the same rules you can use to be successful in relationships. To that end I am going to take an article about success and business and show how it also applies to relationships and marriage. The name of the article is titled “9 things very successful people never do” by Jeff Haden. http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/9-things-remarkably-successful-people-never-do.html?cid=sf01001#ixzz3O6tIHXLW

 

1. They never let the past dictate their future.

So many people are not able to find lasting love in their life because they refuse to let things that happened in their past go. I do not know of anybody that has not gone through at least one bad relationship. But that experience should be used to help us grow, learn, and prepare for someone better. I agree that we must not forget our past so we will make sure not to repeat it, but you cannot let the past hold you hostage and in fear. Remember: scared love can’t make love

 

2. They never gossip.

Words cannot describe how important this is in a successful relationship or how quick it can destroy a successful relationship. People that have or desire good unions know that gossiping can not get them the beneficial associations that they seek. Just don’t do it!!!

 

3. They never say “yes” when they really mean “no.”

Compromise is an important element in a successful bond, but it cannot be confused with honesty. Being truthful about your needs and desires will only help you both out in the long run. A big part of success in anything is being able to stand up for what you believe in. So even in a relationship you have to stand up and be totally honest, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

4. They never interrupt.

We know that communication is vital; therefore listening is the key (more than anything) to true understand. It is also a show of respect and caring for the other person’s thoughts and concerns. They say in business that a great leader is a great listener. This is also the case in relationships.

 

5. They’re never late (without an incredibly good reason).

Why are we always on time for a job interview? Why are we on time for work? It is because it is important to us. It means a lot to us and our well being. For this same reason, being on time for dates and special events with your significant other should be important to you also. You want to do this to show them that every moment is precious and valued. What could be more important than the one thing you can never get back? YOUR TIME.

 

6. They never resent.

Showing resentment in a relationship is showing that you are still carrying baggage of hurt and pain over something you went through. People in flourishing relationships know that healing from past pain and hurt is the key to having the love they desire. Showing resentment toward someone will only block someone special from entering into your life.

 

7. They never decide they don’t have the time.

Time is really our most important resource.
How, where, and with whom we spend time tells what we cherish and covet. As the old say goes “you make time for what is important”. This is never truer than in relationships.

 

8. They never fit in (just to fit in).
In dating terms that would be the equivalent of being “fake”. Some people will even go to major extremes to act like someone they are not, to be loved. When your love for self is strong, the only person you want to be is YOU!!! And when YOU, are not good enough for whomever, it will never work out no matter how much you try to FIT IN.

 

9. They’re never afraid to do the things that matter.

Find out, by any means, what matters to you mate, and make those things happen!!!! This may be one of the most important reasons why you are in a successful relationship and others are not!!!!

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Should men get married

freeimage-1763564-webI know some people will find this title to be shocking, silly, or even sacrilegious. Some of you are probably saying “why would you even ask a question like that”. Well to be honest, I have never really thought about asking that question. See, like most men from the south, I grew up in the church and believe that every man is to find a wife and start a family. It wasn’t until recently, after watch a couple of Youtube videos on this subject, that I even gave the idea (should men get married) any thought. But after watching the compelling arguments that were made on this topic that I felt I had to do a blog on it. So here goes!!!!

In one of the Youtube videos I watched, Warren Coleman (author of the book titled “why nice guys shouldn’t get married”) stated, “in this point and time, in this society, America is no longer producing wives that respect and appreciate nice guys”. He also stated that “women want to be married, but they don’t want to be wives”. Another video that I watched (based on a book by Dr. Helen Smith titled “Men on Strike”) gave six reasons why men are avoiding marriage. The following is a summary of her six reasons.

  1. They will lose respect – in the past a man wasn’t concerned a true adult until he got married and had children. Today, however, husbands and fathers are the butts of jokes and they are constantly devalued. Ex. Father’s day gifts vs. Mother’s day gifts
  2. They will lose out on sex – Men who cohabitate with their partner but are not married, have much more sex than their wedded counterparts. Recent studies have also found that couples that cohabitate are happier than married couples.
  3. They can lose their children and their money – Men are aware of the danger of divorce, especially when it comes to courts showing favor to mothers. Men only get custody 10% of the time, and overwhelmingly are responsible for paying child support and alimony.
  4. They can lose their space – once a man gets married, he is relegated to the dirtiest part of the house. The attic, basement, or garage often becomes the domain that he is left to dwell in even though the home is supposed to be shared space.
  5. They can lose their freedom – If a man gets divorced and cannot afford to pay child support, he can get locked up.
  6. The single life is better than ever – in the past single men were looked at with suspension, but this is no longer the case. There are plenty of 40 year old bachelors. Employers look favorably at employees with non-committal or non-conflicting family responsibilities. Dating has gotten easier, and pre-marital sex is no longer taboo.

She ends her video by saying, “This is not due to laziness, but due to rational choices where men no longer see the value of participating in these areas. People respond to incentives, so if we want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition”.

Now I know that most will find these reasons as copouts, excuses, or flat out garbage. But it is worth exploring and investigating if these reasons and others might be why some men are not getting married. I would love to get your opinion on this topic or for you to ask the question to others for their opinion.

Remember: knowledge is power

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Pain Medicine vs. True Healing

Suffice it to say that everyone that is viewing this blog has been

repairblacklovehurt by a failed relationship. This is why the things that I am about to discuss are so important to where you are now and where you want to go from here. Most people (both men and woman) are currently or have been in relationships that have ended, which oftentimes places you in a state of pain management. This is the states of dealing with the loss of the relationship and the hurt that comes with its failure. I once heard a quote that went “10% of life is what happens to you, and the other 90% is about how you handle it”. And nothing is more taxing on the mind, soul, and spirit than how you handle hurt, loss, and disappointment. All too often when the relationship ends we want nothing more than for the pain and hurt to go away. So of course we are looking for pain medicine in any form we can find it. Whether that is through talking to your best friend about it, get busy doing things to take your mind off it, or (and the most dangerous thing to do) getting involved with someone else.

Now the reason I say this is dangerous is even though they can take your mind off the pain you are going though, they cannot provide the true healing that you need. This is so important because we take the pain medicine and it makes us feel better but we cannot mistake it for true healing!!! We have to understand that pain medicine is just what is used to get through the pain we are experiencing until we are truly healed (if you ever reach that point). So we have to understand that pain medicine in any form HAS NOT, CAN NOT, AND WILL NOT HEAL YOU!!!! Its only design is to relieve pain therefore it cannot heal you!!! True healing comes with time, patience, and positive thoughts\prayers!!!

Look at it this way. If your leg has been broken and you go to the hospital and they treat your leg and give you pain medicine, will your leg be healed after taking it? No!!! The healing process is just beginning. It’s going to take time, patience, and the proper care, in order for your leg to heal. It is the same with you heart, soul, and spirit. It’s ok to take pain medicine but you cannot get hooked on it. You cannot let it be a substitute for true healing; FOR IF YOU ARE TRULY HEALED YOU WOULD NOT BE HURTING OR IN ANY PAIN!!! This is why it is so important to go through the healing process. Because a lot of people are still taking pain medicine for injuries (bad relationships) they sustained years ago because they did not allow the injury to heal completely. They popped a few pain pills and when they felt better they went on with life. But because they weren’t completely healed the pain constantly comes back and for some has become a chronic (emotional) pain issue. Nobody I know wants to have recurring pain and hurt in their life. Now is the time to stop and heal from whatever that is causing you pain!!!! Take the time, have the patience, and feed your spirit positive thoughts and prayers, and begin healing yourself toward a new YOU!!!

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The List

the perfect wifeWhether you write it down on paper or keep it in your head, almost everybody has a list of traits they want the person they desire to marry to have. Some lists are short and to the point, while other lists are very long and detailed. Some people’s lists have become infamous, like the list that Chili from the group TLC provided on her short-lived reality TV show. Having a list is good because it allows you to stay focused on the qualities you are looking for in a mate. That being said, here is a suggestion that I believe will make your list even better.  Instead of building a list that is concentrating solely on things you want from him now, create your list based on the qualities you would like from him when you are married 20-30 years from now. Think in terms of your relationship and marriage as a long term investment. When you are in your golden years together what will be important for you to have from him in your companionship? Try not to be short-sighted in your view of the substance you value from your mate.

We all know that we will go through changes in life, so it must be important to not base your list on things that could change quickly or fade fast. Now there is nothing wrong with having items on your list like looks, income, sexual prowess, etc, but where does this leave you if for whatever reason these elements change quickly or fade fast? Do you go out and cheat on your mate because things have changed? Do you seek a divorce? Do you spend your days complaining about what has changed? But if you focus on building your list around lasting characteristic that you require from your mate, you are now building a list that will not only bring you happiness now but for years to come. Focusing on substantive traits like sense of humor, ease of communication, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, and caring, I believe will lead to more fulfillment as the years move on.

I am sure you do not want to find yourself growing apart because the qualities you sought on your list were not enduring. I am also sure that you do not want to be the couple at the restaurant that can’t wait for the food to come because you both can’t communicate with each other? Have you thought about how would he look at you twenty to thirty years from now? If he is looking at you from a purely physical standpoint, and your physical appearance changes over the next several years, than will he look at you the same? But if he is looking at and loving your inner beauty, your spirit, your energy, your wit, your humor, your personality, your values, your talents, then he is looking at the essence of you, and those qualities rarely ever change.

The question you have to ask yourself is “what traits do I want my mate to have years from now”? Do we enjoy each other’s company?  Do we enjoy talking to each other and can talk for hours about anything? Is this person my best friend? What is his value system? What is his Belief system? Do you have the same interest in health and diet? Does he enjoy hearing about your ideas and views? Is he doing things for you right now that you know will bring you lasting happiness for the next forty years? So instead of building your list solely on the attributes you want today, think about the attributes that you want from your mate as you grow older with him. The ultimate question is “are the attributes on your list that are important to you now, going to be important to you as you grow older?

Remember: Life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Therefore endurance, not speed, wins the race.

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A woman responds to “My advice after 16 years of marriage”

love-2I’m a woman, divorced after 7 years of marriage. I read your post and appreciate the heart behind the advice. The fact that you recognize the part you played in the scheme of things is a feat in itself. Being able to face the past with openness and humility is admirable and not something many can, or even want, to accomplish.

Given my experience, there are some key concepts I learned in my journey as well. We women have equal responsibility in making a marriage work. For all the points mentioned for husbands, there are perhaps also some for wives I would like to share.

1. Always seek out the best in him. Dwell on those things, not what you don’t like about him.

2. Have sex with him. Often!!! All the time if need be.

3. Seek counsel from older, wiser women who have succeeded in their marriages. It’s impossible to make good decisions when we’re emotional. And seeking counsel from your friends who are your own age isn’t as good as counsel from elderly women.

4. Let him zone out. He is not ignoring you; men just have moments of brain freeze.

5. It is not your job to change or fix him. We are all on a journey.

6. Tell him how big/strong/smart/manly he is ALL THE TIME. They tend to forget.

7. Never forget or take for granted that your man chose you.

8. Laugh at his jokes. Even if they aren’t funny.

9. We are responsible for our reactions, no one else. We must take full accountability of our emotions and how we respond. And so must he.

10. Make him that goddam sandwich.

11. Allow your man to just be. Be a comfort, gentle, and giving spirit when the times call for it.

12. Quit your bitching when he gets home, let him chill.

13. Love him in the way he needs it, not the way you assume he needs it. Find out your different love languages and be sensitive and ready to show him you love him in ways he understands best.

14. Make yourself look pretty. The more feminine you act the more it reminds him he is a man.

15. Be present. Give him your time and attention when he needs it. In my experience, during those times I did serve him, he over time, served me.

16. Never talk about other men, even if they are fictional or movie, even if it’s to say “you are so much hotter than that guy” Most men already think they are, so this will confuse them.

17. Be willing to have him sexually. Let him know you need his masculine presence, that you trust him fully.

18. Never read advice on the internet from strangers. They probably don’t know you and will make you do stupid crap that will not be applicable or appropriate in your marriage… except for singleblackdatingtips.com (I couldn’t resist!!!)

19. Give him space. He needs times to find his new self (we change constantly) before he can give of himself.

20. By doing these things it would not mean a wife doesn’t expect her husband to be great too, or is to blame for the breakdown, just that she is doing her part to make a better half of a marriage.

21. Be vulnerable. Do not be afraid to share your fears and feelings. Men tend to know when we’re keeping things from them. And they know when we’re transparent. And, I can’t emphasize this more: acknowledge your mistakes. Say you’re sorry when you know you need to.

22. Allow your husband to love you his way instead of comparing his expression of love to your own ideals. If you keep comparing, you may miss the most beautiful moments of tenderness.

23. Do not be afraid to be fully transparent. This builds great trust over time.

24. Don’t ever, ever, ever put your spouse down in public! He has to have someone that he knows will have his back. If you need to discuss something he did or said, do it in private. No one wants corrected in front of others. Once discussed and fixed, let it go!

25. Find common hobbies, goals and dreams. Also, find common ground in your faith. Never stop growing together. Laugh lots. Fall in love over and over again.

26. Many times, we cannot connect or reconnect because we have created a version of them in our mind and hearts that justifies our own weakness. As long as we see them as the caricature we’ve created we cannot connect to them, because that caricature is not them. Own your feelings, own your results, meet your own needs, turn to a higher power for what you lack, and allow your higher power to make up for what pain your spouse will cause. Even the best human among us will cause another pain, its part of being human.

27. Don’t let financial issues come between you.

28. Acknowledge and embrace each others pasts, it made you who you are. Speak up, talk about “it” when it happens instead of fighting about it a month later.

29. Forgive. Don’t let history hold you or your man hostage.

30. Never underestimate the power of simply touching each other. Sometimes it can say what words can not.

31. Always, choose love. Love is action, not emotion. Don’t miss that.

Make sure to add your own thoughts in the comments section. We will moderate so that each comment is original and contributive. 

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Quality vs Quantity

loving coupleI had the pleasure to engage in an interesting discussion about relationships with a wonderful and intriguing woman recently. While having this discussion I could not help but notice how often she would bring up her current age. She was not using it as a deterrent to her future desires for successful opportunities for marital bliss. It was more of a reference point to the remainder of time left to invest in loving someone, counter to the time remaining for someone who is years younger. Having just had a birthday, of course, was one of the main reasons for the repetition of age and her theoretical mind state. But I reminded her that it is not about how many years you get to spend with your significant other, but it’s about the quality and the value of the time you spend with them.

Of course it would be ideal to marry at a young age and live to be old and gray together after raising a house full of kids. Then see them off on their life’s journey and retire together in a beach community where it is sunny year round. But for some of us several years have passed, and the beginning chapters of our marital book will not be written as such. This however, does not mean that the middle and ending chapters cannot be filled with unspeakable marital bliss and happiness. This should be the focus of the approach and mindset of our thinking!!!! Therefore, it is not the quantity of years that you can spend with your mate, but the quality of those years that you have left.

We first have to understand that just because a couple has put a lot of years into their marriage, does not mean that it was all one big happy ride. Many couples have struggled for many years and battled through many wars to achieve a happy marital status. While sadly, others are in marriages they are unhappy with, and are participating in unconventional and sometimes reprehensible behavior to try to find the happiness they crave. Having matured and hopefully grown wiser over the years can help to serve us that have not yet found that special someone. Helping us, hopefully, to avoid the pitfalls and direct our energy to the most important aspects of attaining a happy state of love and marriage with our mate.

So even though you may not have been there for the first chapters of your significant others life, what is most important are the chapters that remain to be written. The question is, “what do you desire them to say”? Take the time, energy, and effort to make sure the chapters that remain are the most fun, adventurous, and fulfilling chapters of that person’s life and your life. Enjoy every embrace, every kiss, every conversation, and every look you give one another. This is what makes the quality of time you spend worth so much more. It’s not always about how much time you spend, but how you spend it. Therefore, when it is spent with the right person in the right way, it is worth more than all the time in the world. It will make time stand still. It will make your soul dance in joy!!! As the wonderful woman I had the pleasure to talk with told me, “Don’t try to find someone to live with, find someone who you cannot live without!!! Now that is Quality!!!!

Remember: Make the rest of your life, the best of your life!!!

 

 

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Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment