Tag Archives: love

See it before you see it.

love-1Plenty has been said and written about the power of Imagination. There are numerous video’s you can find on the internet that go in depth about using your vision and imagination to turn your dreams into reality. Suffice it to say, we all had dreams that we at one time desired to come true. When they didn’t come true, we perhaps thought it was not in the cards for us to realize that achievement. But what if I told you that you only really need three elements to make any desire manifest in your life. Those three elements are Vision, Focus, and Drive. Of course you obviously have to envision your goal, but furthermore you have to stay Visually Focus on it and Drive toward it every day.
An assistant college football coach asked a reporter that was conducting an interview with him the question, “what is the most important body part a young man needs to catch a football”? Without hesitation (or much thought) the reporter quickly replied “his hands”. The coach, with a devilish grin, sarcastically replied, “Well let me put a blindfold over your eyes and throw this football at you”!
This exchange, obviously exemplifies the statement, “you can’t catch what you can’t see”. This is also true about your goals and dreams. We cannot allow our Vision, in any way, to be altered, blurred, distracted or flat out blinded!!! If you cannot see, you cannot drive (move forward)!!! Our Vision, the foreseeing of the end result and what it will look like, is what keeps us Driven and Focus.
Now, I know this sounds more like a life lesson (and it is), but it is also a relationship lesson. See, if we apply the same principles of Vision, Focus and Drive to our relationship desires, we can accomplish the goals we set to achieve in that area of life too.
1. See (Vision) yourself in that loving relationship; see yourself with someone who is faithful and honest, or whatever traits you want that person to have. Stay Focused on it and Drive it into your head (Mind) that you can and will have it and are worthy of it.

2. Don’t just picture the physical features but also concentrate on things beyond the physical. Traits like love, thoughtfulness, and faithfulness are much more enduring than the physical traits and will be more appreciated and cherished over time.
3. If someone or something comes along and tries to get you out of that belief, get away from them or it as quickly as possible and immediately Focus on your goal again. The more time, energy and effort you put into it, the more quickly and abundantly it will come to you.

4. Understand that if your current thoughts are not even close to what you desire, then you will have to Focus longer and stay Driven longer to realize what you Visualize. I firmly believe the more you WORK at it you will see progress, and hopefully that will fuel you to stay on the current path.

5. See yourself being helpful and beneficial to that person. See yourself being an asset in all phases of that person’s life. See yourself adding significance and value to that person’s life.
6. Please have the same character and morals you desire your mate to have. If you don’t have them, WORK on developing them now.

7. Lastly, remember it is YOUR VISION for the relationship that YOU WANT!!!
It is amazing to me that so many people will allow others to tell them or make them believe they can’t have the relationship they want. Something like, “that sounds good and all, but we know that’s not real”. Truth is, it is as real as you think and believe it to be. And the crazy part is, you only need ONE other potential mate to believe and want what you believe and want!!! Just one other person!!! Out of the hundreds or even thousands of people you can meet, you only need ONE.

Read, Recognize, And React!!!

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Break us to make us

repairblackloveIt is said that when someone has a bad habit or a bad trait that has become a problem, one has to break that habit or trait in order to create a new and better habit. This process of breaking sometime in order to fix it and make it better is not something new. It is said that when human bones break and are reset back in place, the bone actually grows back harder and stronger to help protect it from breaking again. The whole concept of muscle building is breaking down and tearing up the muscle so that the muscle repairs itself strong and thinker than before. A dear friend from college named Cynthia sent me a text that moved me to write this blog. In the text it stated the following: “I heard this this morning while watching TD Jakes: Some things break us to bless us and make us better. Every time Jesus broke the bread when He was feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread it multiplied and kept on Blessing. He does the same with us.”

At some point we have had our hearts broken. This is not done to make us scared to love again; it is to make our hearts stronger and our love deeper. It allows us to take a keener look into what we truly desire so we can meditate on those desires and make them manifest within us. When muscles breaks down and builds back up they are better than before, likewise, this is also how we should be in terms of broken hearts and broken feelings. But we must remember the fundamental key to making that which is broken even stronger and better is Healing.

Listen, if you broke a leg on a dining room table and you put it back together knowing it is fragile (not attached well), then you are going to be careful with that table. You will not put much weight on it and you will try not to let anyone near it.
However when you know that it was put back together properly and, in fact, is stronger and more secured than it was before, then you have no fear in letting anyone near it and put their weight on it. It is the same with our hearts.                                                        The question is did we take the time to let our hearts heal and become stronger like we would if we broke our leg? Or did we just put it back together with whatever we had available to us, now we will not let anyone near it because we know it might fall apart?

The physical Heart is often referred to as the “Heart Muscle,” and having it work correctly is critical to our good health and long living. The relationship “Heart” plays the same role as being essential to our relationship happiness and lasting feelings of love. Therefore when that Heart is broken, it is the equivalent of the physical Heart stopping. Nowadays thanks to the improvements in medicine, a person can have a heart attack and still go on to live a healthy and productive life. But often lifestyle changes need to be made that will bring the Heart back alignment with good health.

1. You must feed your relationship heart good healthy, life-giving, energy-giving love.
2. You must avoid putting your relationship heart under stress. No relationship will be stress-free but it’s not supposed to be stress-full.
3. You must exercise your relationship heart. You can’t sit around in fear and hurt, you must work toward achieving the goal you desire.
Remember: Just like the fish and loaves of bread, a heart that was broken can be a blessing to so many. A heart that was broken and still full of pain, hurt, and fear, can’t be a blessing even to itself.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Identify Yourself

ID-10099058I have to make an admission!!! For a while in my life I tried to make my identity into something that would be pleasing to others. I tried to identify with the things that would make it easy for me to fit in. If nothing else,Identify I made sure that I didn’t do anything that would make me stand out in a bad way. I believe that our Identities are often tied up in what people and society thinks and the factors that exist because of it. We understand that being identified in the wrong way can be damaging to us and our reputation. Because of this reason, so many people identify with the cultural norms. We will claim we are our own person and that we stand out from the rest, but really we are pretty much like everyone else. We typically go to the same restaurants that everybody else goes to. We want the same type of material possessions that everybody else has. We often shop at the same stores everybody else shops. Likewise, this society can be very hard on people who are different, that’s why most people may think they stand out but they really don’t.

This is so prevalent in relationships nowadays that it is destroying the fabric of that bond. So many people want to be identified as being self-ambitious. We want people to see our drive, our work, our hustle. We want to be recognized and be considered “The MAN” (or “The WOMAN”) when we walk through.

We have to understand that very few people were put on this earth for this reason. But we were all given a purpose and I believe that purpose is tied to at least one other person.   God designed and fashioned us for relationships. In my opinion “self-anything” is an insult to God. Who are you in God’s eyes? Who am I in God’s eyes?!!!! It’s not about who you are, it is about who you touch!!! Relationships are not designed for just attending to all of your self-serving pleasures and delights. But society would tell you different. Society has us bending rules, changing laws, and creating new norms. Relationships are being affected more by what is being watched in our house, then what is being taught in God’s house. We are being influenced more by TV than TD!!! We are identifying with the wrong set of standards.

We were not put here to be alone. He did not put us here to just live for ourselves. YES I KNOW YOU’VE BEEN HURT!!! We have all been hurt by someone and if we keep living we will be hurt or disappointed by someone else in the future. REMEMBER: It may not have been your choice to have gotten hurt; but it is totally your choice to stay hurt!!!! I believe everybody has somebody that will love them!! The question is will you allow that person to love you? Could it be that your self-Identity is getting in the way?

We have too many people that are so self-aware of how beautiful they are on the outside. They are so self-aware of how appealing their bodies are. They are so self-aware of how much money they make. They are so self-aware of their status at their job, but those things only really matter on a societal level.

(Philippians 2:3-4)“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

If we identified ourselves with the Bible verse above, I truly believe we would have better and stronger relationships and we would attract better relationships in the future.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Love + Focus + Faith = Success

love-1As I sit back and think about all of the blogs I have written on this site, all I can do is thank God for continuing to give me more to say. I pray it is well received, but mostly I pray it is applied in your life to help you discover that special someone or make your relationship with that someone you are with better. With that being said, there is no place “better” than being in the presence of Love. So what is Love?
Love is the most powerful emotion that we can feel as humans. It is what we yearn for from our parents, family and friends. But the love we really seek (outside of seeking God’s love) is the love from our mate. But for some of us that love has been stepped on and crush. That love has been betrayed by cheating. That love has been mentally and physically abusing. That love has been one-sided and unbalanced. That love has been impatient and intolerable. That love has been mean-spirited and hateful. THAT IS NOT LOVE!!!! Love is light!!! Love is a light that shines brightly and eternally. So is that light shining brightly in you? Have you, or are you, letting someone put your light out? Whether you are married, in relationship, or single, the light of love should be beaming from you.
Now love isn’t about who has the power or control in the relationship. There are plenty of relationships where the lady may have the upper hand when it comes to having control and power, but are they receiving love? Are they giving love? Please don’t make the mistake of mixing power and control with love!!! They don’t mix!!!
In order to receive love you MUST GIVE love. In order to give love you MUST BE love (light). Your love light must shine brightly; it can’t be dim or buried under hurt and pain. It is your responsibility (and yours alone) to make sure your light is shining brightly!!! A ship in the night will not land upon your shore, if their is no light there to welcome it.

After you have powered up or recaptured your love light, now you have to set your sights on a target. This is so important because we must definitively know exactly what it is that we desire. In many sports the object of the game is to always keep your focus and attention on the target. Make it your goal to concentrate your efforts on attaining the relationship that you desire. Many things may come your way to distract you but you must remain vigilant. If your focus is even slightly altered, quickly re-focus your energy back on your target. Your love and unwavering focus on your target can without a doubt get the results you desire. Conversely, if you add a cup full of faith to that recipe, it is utterly impossible for you to fail at achieving your goal.

Faith is having belief for a desired result that has yet been seen. Having Faith that what is unknown will become known is a very powerful act. Faith causes you to search your soul and challenges you thoughts. When conventional wisdoms tell you that the outcome must be this or that, you must rely on faith to go against all that is conventional. When you are told that your mate will cheat, you must rely on your faith that a monogamous mate will be sent to you. When you are told your marriage will not last, you must rely on your faith that it will endure and thrive. When you are told that you will never get married, you must rely on your faith to know that someone special is being prepared for you. It is the combination of there three powerful “states” of being, that will surely lead you to relationship success.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

9 things that people in successful relationships never do

ID-10066205I strongly believe that the same rules that apply in being successful in business are the same rules you can use to be successful in relationships. To that end I am going to take an article about success and business and show how it also applies to relationships and marriage. The name of the article is titled “9 things very successful people never do” by Jeff Haden. http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/9-things-remarkably-successful-people-never-do.html?cid=sf01001#ixzz3O6tIHXLW

 

1. They never let the past dictate their future.

So many people are not able to find lasting love in their life because they refuse to let things that happened in their past go. I do not know of anybody that has not gone through at least one bad relationship. But that experience should be used to help us grow, learn, and prepare for someone better. I agree that we must not forget our past so we will make sure not to repeat it, but you cannot let the past hold you hostage and in fear. Remember: scared love can’t make love

 

2. They never gossip.

Words cannot describe how important this is in a successful relationship or how quick it can destroy a successful relationship. People that have or desire good unions know that gossiping can not get them the beneficial associations that they seek. Just don’t do it!!!

 

3. They never say “yes” when they really mean “no.”

Compromise is an important element in a successful bond, but it cannot be confused with honesty. Being truthful about your needs and desires will only help you both out in the long run. A big part of success in anything is being able to stand up for what you believe in. So even in a relationship you have to stand up and be totally honest, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

4. They never interrupt.

We know that communication is vital; therefore listening is the key (more than anything) to true understand. It is also a show of respect and caring for the other person’s thoughts and concerns. They say in business that a great leader is a great listener. This is also the case in relationships.

 

5. They’re never late (without an incredibly good reason).

Why are we always on time for a job interview? Why are we on time for work? It is because it is important to us. It means a lot to us and our well being. For this same reason, being on time for dates and special events with your significant other should be important to you also. You want to do this to show them that every moment is precious and valued. What could be more important than the one thing you can never get back? YOUR TIME.

 

6. They never resent.

Showing resentment in a relationship is showing that you are still carrying baggage of hurt and pain over something you went through. People in flourishing relationships know that healing from past pain and hurt is the key to having the love they desire. Showing resentment toward someone will only block someone special from entering into your life.

 

7. They never decide they don’t have the time.

Time is really our most important resource.
How, where, and with whom we spend time tells what we cherish and covet. As the old say goes “you make time for what is important”. This is never truer than in relationships.

 

8. They never fit in (just to fit in).
In dating terms that would be the equivalent of being “fake”. Some people will even go to major extremes to act like someone they are not, to be loved. When your love for self is strong, the only person you want to be is YOU!!! And when YOU, are not good enough for whomever, it will never work out no matter how much you try to FIT IN.

 

9. They’re never afraid to do the things that matter.

Find out, by any means, what matters to you mate, and make those things happen!!!! This may be one of the most important reasons why you are in a successful relationship and others are not!!!!

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Should men get married

freeimage-1763564-webI know some people will find this title to be shocking, silly, or even sacrilegious. Some of you are probably saying “why would you even ask a question like that”. Well to be honest, I have never really thought about asking that question. See, like most men from the south, I grew up in the church and believe that every man is to find a wife and start a family. It wasn’t until recently, after watch a couple of Youtube videos on this subject, that I even gave the idea (should men get married) any thought. But after watching the compelling arguments that were made on this topic that I felt I had to do a blog on it. So here goes!!!!

In one of the Youtube videos I watched, Warren Coleman (author of the book titled “why nice guys shouldn’t get married”) stated, “in this point and time, in this society, America is no longer producing wives that respect and appreciate nice guys”. He also stated that “women want to be married, but they don’t want to be wives”. Another video that I watched (based on a book by Dr. Helen Smith titled “Men on Strike”) gave six reasons why men are avoiding marriage. The following is a summary of her six reasons.

  1. They will lose respect – in the past a man wasn’t concerned a true adult until he got married and had children. Today, however, husbands and fathers are the butts of jokes and they are constantly devalued. Ex. Father’s day gifts vs. Mother’s day gifts
  2. They will lose out on sex – Men who cohabitate with their partner but are not married, have much more sex than their wedded counterparts. Recent studies have also found that couples that cohabitate are happier than married couples.
  3. They can lose their children and their money – Men are aware of the danger of divorce, especially when it comes to courts showing favor to mothers. Men only get custody 10% of the time, and overwhelmingly are responsible for paying child support and alimony.
  4. They can lose their space – once a man gets married, he is relegated to the dirtiest part of the house. The attic, basement, or garage often becomes the domain that he is left to dwell in even though the home is supposed to be shared space.
  5. They can lose their freedom – If a man gets divorced and cannot afford to pay child support, he can get locked up.
  6. The single life is better than ever – in the past single men were looked at with suspension, but this is no longer the case. There are plenty of 40 year old bachelors. Employers look favorably at employees with non-committal or non-conflicting family responsibilities. Dating has gotten easier, and pre-marital sex is no longer taboo.

She ends her video by saying, “This is not due to laziness, but due to rational choices where men no longer see the value of participating in these areas. People respond to incentives, so if we want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition”.

Now I know that most will find these reasons as copouts, excuses, or flat out garbage. But it is worth exploring and investigating if these reasons and others might be why some men are not getting married. I would love to get your opinion on this topic or for you to ask the question to others for their opinion.

Remember: knowledge is power

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Part 4: What does the Bible say about Relationships?

cropped-thL.jpgIn the last installment of this series I am going to end by putting emphases on Love and what God wants us to be for each other, and to each other in relationships. I leave you with these four passages from the Bible. Two are fairly long but I believe will be well worth reading.

Proverbs 31: 10-31

The Wife of Noble Character

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

 

Proverbs 5: 1-23

Warning Against Adultery

5 My son, be attentive to my wisdom;
incline your ear to my understanding,
that you may keep discretion,
and your lips may guard knowledge.
For the lips of a forbidden[a] woman drip honey,
and her speech[b] is smoother than oil,
but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,
sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death;
her steps follow the path to[c] Sheol;
she does not ponder the path of life;
her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now, O sons, listen to me,
and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house,
lest you give your honor to others
and your years to the merciless,
10 lest strangers take their fill of your strength,
and your labors go to the house of a foreigner,
11 and at the end of your life you groan,
when your flesh and body are consumed,
12 and you say, “How I hated discipline,
and my heart despised reproof!
13 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers
or incline my ear to my instructors.
14 I am at the brink of utter ruin
in the assembled congregation.”

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
flowing water from your own well.
16 Should your springs be scattered abroad,
streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be for yourself alone,
and not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
19     a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated[d] always in her love.
20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?[e]
21 For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord,
and he ponders[f] all his paths.
22 The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him,
and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.
23 He dies for lack of discipline,
and because of his great folly he is led astray.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Oftentimes people claim to be in love with someone, or that someone is in love with them. This verse clearly defines with love is, and also what love is not!!! Please take a moment and measure your love, or someone’s love for you against these wonderful words of wisdom.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

What does the Bible say about relationships?

ID-10086507We talk about wanting our relationships and marriages to be blessed and led by God. But that starts with doing what God’s word says for us to do. If we choose to change around his words or omit them altogether, then why would he bless our unions? A lot of the strife and chaos comes from the fact that we are not doing what God has asked us to do. We actually have adopted the World’s way of handling and managing our relationships. So many people have the mind state of “what have you done for me lately.” They are constantly looking for someone that will give them what they want and provide their every need. Having an “I’m doing me” attitude is not what is taught in the Bible and is not a Godly principle. We have developed these ideas and thoughts thought from so many different places that it is hard to name them all. Everything from TV, Films, family members, friends, co-workers, and the list goes on. But what does the Bible say about how we should treat people? What does the Bible say about what we should avoid in our treatment of others?

(James 3:14-17) “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Are your relationships being led by your envy of what others have or can attain? Do you desire relationships that will make you the envy of others? Things like having a mate that’s better looking, have more money, or have a bigger car and house and so on? Wikipedia’s definition states the following. Envy (from Latin invidia) is an emotion which “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.” Are you being led by selfish ambition? What is selfish ambition you ask? It means to be self-seeking and always looking out for one’s own interests above the interests of anyone else. The Greek word for selfish ambition is eritheia. Eritheia thus identifies heart motives of pride, self-love, and self-advancement. It reveals the drive to put oneself ahead of others, and to deceive by “spinning” the truth in order to look good and hide the inner selfish purposes as one pursues getting his own way.

Consequently, what we do may seem right to us in our mind, but is it right in God’s mind? Is the behavior we exhibit with our mate in line with what the Bible says?

(Proverbs 14:12) “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”

So are practices like selfish ambition, lack of humility, being inconsiderate and non-submissive leading to the death of our relationships and marriages? Is this one of the reasons why we can’t keep, sustain, and maintain our relationships?

(Philippians 2:3-4)“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

If we are following these Godly principles, (humility, value and interest of others over ourselves, peace-loving considerate, submissive, etc.) there is no way that God will not bless our union.

REMEMBER: This is about YOU, not someone else. If YOU are in a relationship where YOU are not doing what the Bible verses ask YOU to do, then you can change the tenor of your relationship by putting this into practice.

 

Sources that were used in the writing of this blog are:

http://www.gracevalley.org/sermon_trans/1998/Selfish_Ambition.html

http://www.wordbasedcounseling.org/Vignettes/SelfishAmbition.htm

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Do men fear love?

Copyofth_love-heartThis is a question that has been asked by many women on many different occasions. Do men fear love? Are men afraid of getting their feelings hurt? Would a man be afraid to love a woman more than she loves him? The answers to these questions are a resounding YES!! Men are no different from woman in many ways. But one place where men are very different from women is when it comes to sharing their feelings. Any woman knows that it can be easier to rob Fort Knox, than to get some men to open up and share their feelings. Even if some women are open and free with expressing the desires of their heart; those feelings and actions are not often forthcoming from a man. I know some men may be mad at me for this, but I would like to share a few reasons why I think some (not all) men have this issue.

cropped-thL.jpgOne thing I do know is that if a man has been hurt badly by a failed relationship, he often protects himself from having that experience again. For some men it could have happened early in life from a childhood crush. If he really liked the girl and she rejected him repeatedly, he may not want to fully expose his true feelings in the future. It could have come from a high school or college girlfriend. Maybe even a relationship from his early adulthood with someone he thought he could spend the rest of his life with. At whatever point he has this experience it could be very hard for him to overcome.

Another reason could be that the man was in a relationship with a lady that was unfaithful to him. This is a little different from just a failed relationship because this can leave some men feeling somewhat inadequate. What did I do to cause her to do this? What did I NOT do to cause her to do this? Why did I not see this coming? These are all questions that a man will ask himself if he was in this position. But the biggest thing some men will do when faced with this incident is to say, “How can I make sure this does not happen again to me”?

This result can lead to another big question. Can he completely love just one woman? The answer is YES he can!!! But here is the problem!!! When a man has been hurt, there are usually two ways most men choose to protect themselves’ from being hurt again. 1. Either he will safeguard his feelings, thus disallowing them to reach a deep and meaningful level. 2. Have something else going on that will obstruct his feelings from achieving a significant juncture with any one person.

Therefore, if this person is not strong enough to fight off certain thoughts and feelings, he can become vulnerable and open to participate in activities that can damage or even destroy a relationship. Even if the actions were not intended to hurt others, the outcome could be a bitter pill to swallow for anyone that is directly or even indirectly involved. This can be the damaging results of a man shielding his heart for fear of letting someone get into it. Now there are plenty of good men out here that are fighting to be upstanding representatives of how a good man should carry himself. We also know that nobody is perfect or without fault. But fear, hurt, and pain are real, and it takes time and understanding to conquer these emotions. The best advice I can give is that which comes from the Good Book. Love is Patient, Love is Kind!!!!

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Quality vs Quantity

loving coupleI had the pleasure to engage in an interesting discussion about relationships with a wonderful and intriguing woman recently. While having this discussion I could not help but notice how often she would bring up her current age. She was not using it as a deterrent to her future desires for successful opportunities for marital bliss. It was more of a reference point to the remainder of time left to invest in loving someone, counter to the time remaining for someone who is years younger. Having just had a birthday, of course, was one of the main reasons for the repetition of age and her theoretical mind state. But I reminded her that it is not about how many years you get to spend with your significant other, but it’s about the quality and the value of the time you spend with them.

Of course it would be ideal to marry at a young age and live to be old and gray together after raising a house full of kids. Then see them off on their life’s journey and retire together in a beach community where it is sunny year round. But for some of us several years have passed, and the beginning chapters of our marital book will not be written as such. This however, does not mean that the middle and ending chapters cannot be filled with unspeakable marital bliss and happiness. This should be the focus of the approach and mindset of our thinking!!!! Therefore, it is not the quantity of years that you can spend with your mate, but the quality of those years that you have left.

We first have to understand that just because a couple has put a lot of years into their marriage, does not mean that it was all one big happy ride. Many couples have struggled for many years and battled through many wars to achieve a happy marital status. While sadly, others are in marriages they are unhappy with, and are participating in unconventional and sometimes reprehensible behavior to try to find the happiness they crave. Having matured and hopefully grown wiser over the years can help to serve us that have not yet found that special someone. Helping us, hopefully, to avoid the pitfalls and direct our energy to the most important aspects of attaining a happy state of love and marriage with our mate.

So even though you may not have been there for the first chapters of your significant others life, what is most important are the chapters that remain to be written. The question is, “what do you desire them to say”? Take the time, energy, and effort to make sure the chapters that remain are the most fun, adventurous, and fulfilling chapters of that person’s life and your life. Enjoy every embrace, every kiss, every conversation, and every look you give one another. This is what makes the quality of time you spend worth so much more. It’s not always about how much time you spend, but how you spend it. Therefore, when it is spent with the right person in the right way, it is worth more than all the time in the world. It will make time stand still. It will make your soul dance in joy!!! As the wonderful woman I had the pleasure to talk with told me, “Don’t try to find someone to live with, find someone who you cannot live without!!! Now that is Quality!!!!

Remember: Make the rest of your life, the best of your life!!!

 

 

Share this:
Share this page via Email Share this page via Stumble Upon Share this page via Digg this Share this page via Facebook Share this page via Twitter
Posted in Dating tips | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment