Tag Archives: relationship

10 Signs you shouldn’t be dating your Ex again

If you are tempted to date your EX after multiple attempts of reaching out to you or long apologies, this one is for you. The old cliché ‘try again till you succeed’ doesn’t really fit the relationship with your EX. … Continue reading

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Is He Engaged?

 

wremimh1When a man knows that the woman he is dating does not want to make sacrifices for him (especially if is making sacrifices for her) there is a chance that the man could become disengaged. The man my feel that he is not getting the things he wants or needs out of the relationship based on what he is putting into the relationship. Here is the tricky part. The woman may feel like “I’ve got him” or “I’ve tamed him” because they are getting what they want out of the relationship without giving up much in return. She may even feel that this is the way that the relationship should be and may not have any plans on “balancing out” the relationship to show more favor to her man. But I warn you that this selfish thought process and the actions that go with it may cause him to lose interest in you.  Yes he may be there in the physical, but is he fully engaged and involved in advancing the relationship? Or is he just going through the motions until a better opportunity presents itself? Or until someone else comes along and lets him know that she can provide the things his is currently missing? Or maybe he finally gets tired of the way things are going (which is not in his favor) and decides that it’s best to part ways.

These things can happen simply because you have allowed him to become disengaged in the relationship. By having the mindset that all the man needs to do is keep you happy in order for everything to work out. But the man has needs too!!! And by simply finding out his needs and fulfilling them and making sacrifices for him to show him you care, you can have a happy and engaged man in your life.  Remember in the beginning of dating when he talked about all the things he wanted to do with you? All of the places he wanted to take you? Well one clear sign to know that your man has become (or is becoming) disengaged is when he doesn’t talk about or try to do the things he said he wanted to do with you in the beginning.

Listen, for most men relationships are like investments. He doesn’t mind investing in the relationship as long as it is giving him some kind of meaningful return. But if he is getting very little return or no return at all on his investment, then he will invest less or stop investing altogether. It is so easy for anyone to become wrapped up in the feeling of having someone catering to your needs. We all have at some point found ourselves taking advantage of someone’s kindness. But if we want to keep that special someone around and engaged then we have to give back some of what we are receiving!!! So it is important that you must be mindful of the level of involvement that the person you are with has in the relationship. And you must keep him involved by making sure that the relationship is as much about him and his needs as it is about you and your needs.

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No Sacrifice, No Shiny Ice

 If you are to believe “that anything worth having is worth sacrificing for” then you totally understand the title of this blog. Now for those who don’t get it, let me help you out. We all know that for most women the ultimate goal of a relationship is to have that special someone she loves “propose” to her and flash that shiny diamond ring, but are you ready to pay the price to get the ice?  I know you are saying “what price do I have to pay?” Well this price is not about money; it is about what are you willing to sacrifice to show him how much you care about him.

 

The first thing we have to understand is just what is sacrifice? One definition states that is the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.” Now, let’s break this down. The first part of the definition is the “surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable.” That means not only will you have to give up something, but it must be something prized or desirable to you. One thing that comes to mind is giving up time that you would have spent doing something for yourself to do something that would bring pleasure to someone else. This also means your sacrifice must be of value to the person that you are making a sacrifice for.  It has to be something that the benefactor will appreciate and covet. Often times we do things for others that are pleasing to us and consider it to be a sacrifice, but that’s not true sacrifice. The act should be a selfless one from which you should not look to benefit at all.  You should always ask yourself if the purpose is solely and totally for the benefit and uplifting of the intended person with no kickback to yourself whatsoever.  Making sacrifices for the person you love makes that person know that he or she is cared about and appreciated, and that’s what makes him or her want to advance the relationship.

 

The second part of the definition states “for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.” What could be higher or more pressing than love and marriage? In the Bible, to sacrifice something was one of the highest and most endearing ways to show your love, honor, and loyalty to someone. You have to give of yourself in order to receive the bountiful fruits of love and marriage. We all want to get to there, but are we willing to do the things necessary to get there?  It is a journey to reach that summit and often time how much we sacrifice, and what we sacrifice, will determine if we will complete our journey. Are you making the sacrifices it takes to reach the summit?

This is just my opinion; what’s yours?

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Would “You” recommend you

Would YOU recommend you?

(Who’s watching you, and what are they saying)

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Please always remember that somebody around you is watching and evaluating what you do. If you are doing a great job or a terrible job with life’s situations, the people around you notice and are often not shy about sharing their opinions with others, good or bad!!! Doing a bad job can not only cause you to lose out on the man you want, but it could also allow you to lose out on other potential men in the future because “the word on the street” about you is not a good one. The comments “you would be taking a chance with her” or “she is risky” could be thrown around in reference to you, and who wants that. It’s not the worst thing to say about someone, but it could cause someone who is interested in you to “proceed with caution” or to not proceed at all. Where I come from,  if a woman is said to be “loose” or “promiscuous” then no matter how much you like her or how well you two get along and have fun, you don’t date her seriously if you “date” her at all. Now sometimes it may work out because the person knows what she is and wants to change, but often it ends badly. Most men who are meticulous and focused will not take that chance.

I also understand the mindset of not caring what people think about you. Yes it true that if you cared about what every person thought of you it could hurt your mind state and cause you to not be the person you want to be. But when you know that you are doing right by everyone in your life then you have very few reasons to entertain negative comments

This point also goes back to knowing who you are dealing with, meaning the recommendation (from others) is very important because like I said before, people are always observing you. Based on what they see, the recommendations that they offer could help make or break you in certain situations. It is as simple as that!!! Of course, everyone is going try to send people to those who they know will say something good about them, but oftentimes, you don’t get a say-so in the matter. It will always behoove you to make sure that you leave a favorable impression on everyone whom you are around. By taking this approach in life, when people do ask for a recommendation, they are only going to receive glowing remarks about you, no matter whom they ask.

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Are you “Move-in” ready?

bacouple_01132010.jpgMost of us at some time in our lives to this point have had to move into an unfamiliar dwelling. Whether it was your college dorm room, your first apartment, or just moving with your parents to a new home, we have all had to “move-in” to a new location. Now in most of these instances we have been able to move into a place that was “ready” for us to move our belongings in and begin the process of making this new space our own. It was often clean and neat with freshly painted walls and nice looking carpet (or tile) on the floor. Now some of us have not always found our new living quarters to be in the most desirable shape. We may have had to do quite a bit of work to the space before it would be ready to occupy. And in some instances we have seen places that were not fit for anyone to move into. So in this article I would like for you to take this analogy and apply it to yourself as it relates to a relationship and ask the simple question “are you move-in ready?” The first question that comes from this is what condition is your house (personal life) in? Is it mess!!! With your emotions all over the place for one (or more than one) person like a Tornado has ripped through it? Or are you emotional clean and “refinished”; thus getting rid of the baggage, dirt, pain, and hurt and replacing it with brand new amenities and fixtures (“fix”-tures) throughout? The most important point you must remember is in order for “your house” to be move in ready, it must be unoccupied!!! It is very difficult, if not impossible, to move your things in when there are already someone else’s belongings there. All too often we try moving into a space where the current occupant has not fully vacated!!! In other instances we are ready to move someone new into our space when we have not fully moved the old person out yet!!! Now understand that moving someone out can be a deceiving thing too. You may have moved the old tenants belonging out, but did you remember to change the locks so that they can’t get back in? In a relationship, that means you have to change your thinking and your emotions for that person!!! Basically saying “not only do I want the old person out; I want to make sure that they are not able to come back in”. All too often people fall into the state of “partial occupation”. This is where someone comes along as the new occupant and starts to move in and get comfortable only to find that the old occupant still is trying to, and can possibly, move back in!!! If any of these examples are (or have been) the state of your (relationships) property then you must get your business in order.

Another big issue is when (you) the owner had (or currently have) a tenant that left the property (relationship) in a horrible mess!!!  It is SO easy to place the blame and fault on the tenant (and maybe they are solely to blame), but that will not help you or your property get repaired. It doesn’t matter if your property was damaged or even destroyed by the last tenant; it is your responsibility to make sure that this property is back to the original condition that it was in before you put the property back on the market. Not too many people want the headaches of dealing with a damaged or destroyed property!!! So if you want a new tenant to move in, then it’s up to you to get the property looking so good again that nobody would have ever known that it was ever damaged!!!

 

Are you "Move-In" ready

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Three things that are big turn-offs for men

midnightsnack2-1There are many things that a man will desire from a woman while they are dating or in a relationship. Because these vary from man-to-man, there is no way I could possibly cover them all, but there are a few things that I feel we as men have in common when it comes to what we find undesirable in the opposite sex. In this piece I plan to share three things that I feel most, if not all, men would agree would be huge turn-offs when it comes to what they desire from their mate.

 The three things we don’t want are:

 1.      Someone who is selfish (unsupportive)

Selfishness can come in many different forms, from someone who only thinks of herself and her needs over that of her mate, to someone who feels that everything revolves around her. I can go on and on about the many ways someone can be selfish toward another, but for the sake of this piece I will focus on lack of support from that special someone. I really don’t have to express how important support is. We as humans rely on it from family, friends, co-workers, etc., in so many ways. The help and guidance we get on sometimes a daily basis helps us get through life’s obstacles and challenges. Just imagine wanting and needing support from someone you love and care about and not receiving it. I know right now you are thinking about someone that you are/were close to who was unsupportive when you needed it. Remember how it felt? You still may be feeling the sting from it now, so would you want the person that you are in a relationship with to feel that way about you? The next time you are with someone you care about and he or she needs your support just remember what it felt like when you didn’t receive it when you needed it.  

 2.      Someone who is not looking to improve herself (strengthen her weaknesses)

I once had a friend who said this about men and dating… “If he can’t accept me as I am, flaws and all, then I don’t need him.”  Now I know that nobody is perfect, and we all have flaws, but few things beat a woman who continues to work and improve where she has weaknesses. That’s why so many men love women that go to the gym and stay fit. This says to the man that “she cares.” Now this is not to say that just because you don’t go to the gym you don’t care about yourself. There are many ways other than going to the gym to show that you care about yourself, but the bigger point is that you are striving to improve the areas where you are weak. By doing this, you are creating a better you, and we know everybody likes better.

 3.      Someone who is superficial (in what they want and what they have to offer)

Look, we all know that there must be some physical attraction at some level for two people to want to be with each other, but that can’t be what it’s all about. Let’s face it…MEN LOVE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!! That will never change, but as a woman there has to be more to you than what is on the surface. If a woman is depending on her looks to get a GOOD MAN without having the substance to keep him, then she is making a hard bed to lie in. A man is going to need someone to push him to be a better man, and that’s hard to do when you are only scratching the surface of your own potential. You have to strive to be a complete woman–Body, Mind and Spirit!! That is what a good man wants and needs in his life. If you can find yourself in any of the three points that are listed above, then it’s time to get to work making improvements. Trust me; the man in your life will appreciate the improvements you are making. Just my opinion!! What’s yours?

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