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How to make any man fall in love with you!!!
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Tag Archives: singles
I believe everyone should live their lives to the fullest and that means making yourself happy, but unless you want to live life alone, you must be conscience of making room for a significant other. I talked about this topic in an earlier blog called “prepare a place” but I want to take this a step further. It appears that in a quest to arrange our lives in the way that would make us happier, we are (knowingly or unknowingly) blocking out someone special from entering into our lives. For example, just imagine yourself as a piece of property (motel, hotel, apartment or house), with each property having some type of signage that lets you know the level of time commitment expected. You may have a sign outside that says “$39.99 per night with hourly rates available”, while another sign might read “extended stay” or “first month free for one year”. These signs indicate not only the time commitment desired, but also to an extent, the condition the property is in and how it is operated.
I realize that the anticipated significant other may not be currently present, but if the sign on your property reads “closed for business”, then the person will keep it moving and not even stop to inquire. See, if the overarching thought you have about having someone special in your life is “leave me alone” or “don’t bother me”, then that energy creates a force field around you that repels people with good intentions. Notice I said “people with good intentions”, because you must know that people with bad intentions don’t care what your signs say. They don’t want to stay long anyway nor do they care about leaving “a mess” behind for you to clean up. You see, someone that is going to stay for a while is going to take better care of you (your property) like they would their own home. They will try to make improvements and suggest positive changes that can be made with your approval. But someone with no good intent will do just the opposite and leave you (your property) worse than they found you. Now I know you are saying to yourself, “if my sign is saying closed for business, that means closed for business for everyone right?” Well, not exactly, because you have to remember what state of mind (energy) you are in. It is not a state of mind where you are open, loving, welcoming and desiring someone special, it is the opposite.
This state (energy)allows you to be easy preyed a pond by undesirable people because they too don’t want anything lasting or significant. Plus, I don’t have to tell you what happens to a property that is shut down for any extended period of time and the people it attracts. Also, let’s be honest, most people will not totally shut down; meaning they may be open to certain people or certain situations. These people will only offer short term, get over the hump, situations that will not last long. For example, most people rent because they are not able to own a home. But renters are essentially borrowers (have a landlord, maintenance man can come in your place when you are not home, etc.) but someone that buys a home is an owner (no landlord, nobody enters unless the owner authorize, etc.). My point is, too many people are letting themselves be rented out instead of demanding and working for lifetime ownership. Now I understand that sometimes renting may be the best option for a period of time, but there is nothing like having a property you can call your own!!! My suggestion is that you change the sign from “close for business” to “close for repairs” and work on your property in prayer (or meditation) everyday. Before you know it you will be able to turn what was a short-term lease property into a long-term mortgage property.
Read, Recognize, React!!!
Plenty has been said and written about the power of Imagination. There are numerous video’s you can find on the internet that go in depth about using your vision and imagination to turn your dreams into reality. Suffice it to say, we all had dreams that we at one time desired to come true. When they didn’t come true, we perhaps thought it was not in the cards for us to realize that achievement. But what if I told you that you only really need three elements to make any desire manifest in your life. Those three elements are Vision, Focus, and Drive. Of course you obviously have to envision your goal, but furthermore you have to stay Visually Focus on it and Drive toward it every day.
An assistant college football coach asked a reporter that was conducting an interview with him the question, “what is the most important body part a young man needs to catch a football”? Without hesitation (or much thought) the reporter quickly replied “his hands”. The coach, with a devilish grin, sarcastically replied, “Well let me put a blindfold over your eyes and throw this football at you”!
This exchange, obviously exemplifies the statement, “you can’t catch what you can’t see”. This is also true about your goals and dreams. We cannot allow our Vision, in any way, to be altered, blurred, distracted or flat out blinded!!! If you cannot see, you cannot drive (move forward)!!! Our Vision, the foreseeing of the end result and what it will look like, is what keeps us Driven and Focus.
Now, I know this sounds more like a life lesson (and it is), but it is also a relationship lesson. See, if we apply the same principles of Vision, Focus and Drive to our relationship desires, we can accomplish the goals we set to achieve in that area of life too.
1. See (Vision) yourself in that loving relationship; see yourself with someone who is faithful and honest, or whatever traits you want that person to have. Stay Focused on it and Drive it into your head (Mind) that you can and will have it and are worthy of it.
2. Don’t just picture the physical features but also concentrate on things beyond the physical. Traits like love, thoughtfulness, and faithfulness are much more enduring than the physical traits and will be more appreciated and cherished over time.
3. If someone or something comes along and tries to get you out of that belief, get away from them or it as quickly as possible and immediately Focus on your goal again. The more time, energy and effort you put into it, the more quickly and abundantly it will come to you.
4. Understand that if your current thoughts are not even close to what you desire, then you will have to Focus longer and stay Driven longer to realize what you Visualize. I firmly believe the more you WORK at it you will see progress, and hopefully that will fuel you to stay on the current path.
5. See yourself being helpful and beneficial to that person. See yourself being an asset in all phases of that person’s life. See yourself adding significance and value to that person’s life.
6. Please have the same character and morals you desire your mate to have. If you don’t have them, WORK on developing them now.
7. Lastly, remember it is YOUR VISION for the relationship that YOU WANT!!!
It is amazing to me that so many people will allow others to tell them or make them believe they can’t have the relationship they want. Something like, “that sounds good and all, but we know that’s not real”. Truth is, it is as real as you think and believe it to be. And the crazy part is, you only need ONE other potential mate to believe and want what you believe and want!!! Just one other person!!! Out of the hundreds or even thousands of people you can meet, you only need ONE.
Read, Recognize, And React!!!
It is said that when someone has a bad habit or a bad trait that has become a problem, one has to break that habit or trait in order to create a new and better habit. This process of breaking sometime in order to fix it and make it better is not something new. It is said that when human bones break and are reset back in place, the bone actually grows back harder and stronger to help protect it from breaking again. The whole concept of muscle building is breaking down and tearing up the muscle so that the muscle repairs itself strong and thinker than before. A dear friend from college named Cynthia sent me a text that moved me to write this blog. In the text it stated the following: “I heard this this morning while watching TD Jakes: Some things break us to bless us and make us better. Every time Jesus broke the bread when He was feeding the 5000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread it multiplied and kept on Blessing. He does the same with us.”
At some point we have had our hearts broken. This is not done to make us scared to love again; it is to make our hearts stronger and our love deeper. It allows us to take a keener look into what we truly desire so we can meditate on those desires and make them manifest within us. When muscles breaks down and builds back up they are better than before, likewise, this is also how we should be in terms of broken hearts and broken feelings. But we must remember the fundamental key to making that which is broken even stronger and better is Healing.
Listen, if you broke a leg on a dining room table and you put it back together knowing it is fragile (not attached well), then you are going to be careful with that table. You will not put much weight on it and you will try not to let anyone near it.
However when you know that it was put back together properly and, in fact, is stronger and more secured than it was before, then you have no fear in letting anyone near it and put their weight on it. It is the same with our hearts. The question is did we take the time to let our hearts heal and become stronger like we would if we broke our leg? Or did we just put it back together with whatever we had available to us, now we will not let anyone near it because we know it might fall apart?
The physical Heart is often referred to as the “Heart Muscle,” and having it work correctly is critical to our good health and long living. The relationship “Heart” plays the same role as being essential to our relationship happiness and lasting feelings of love. Therefore when that Heart is broken, it is the equivalent of the physical Heart stopping. Nowadays thanks to the improvements in medicine, a person can have a heart attack and still go on to live a healthy and productive life. But often lifestyle changes need to be made that will bring the Heart back alignment with good health.
1. You must feed your relationship heart good healthy, life-giving, energy-giving love.
2. You must avoid putting your relationship heart under stress. No relationship will be stress-free but it’s not supposed to be stress-full.
3. You must exercise your relationship heart. You can’t sit around in fear and hurt, you must work toward achieving the goal you desire.
Remember: Just like the fish and loaves of bread, a heart that was broken can be a blessing to so many. A heart that was broken and still full of pain, hurt, and fear, can’t be a blessing even to itself.
So, what is the first thing that comes to mind when we hear the phrase “get ripped”. Well for anybody that exercises or has tried to get in shape, you have heard this phrase quite a few times. For those that do not know what this term means I will break it down for you. Getting “ripped” is the process of exercising to a point that the cuts and symmetry of a person’s muscles are visible to the naked eye. The dictionary defines this term as “Having an extremely defined physique; toned: ripped, bulging muscles”.
Now I know we have all seen someone that was” Ripped”. Maybe you are currently in that state physically or were when you were younger. But the question that I have for you is, what does it mean to “get ripped” relationship wise? What steps would need to be taken to achieve this goal?
1. We all know that you can’t achieve any goal without knowing exactly what your goal is, and what it will look like when you accomplish it. In bodybuilding, there are many photos in magazines and on the internet of toned and fit men and women. But what does a toned and fit relationship look like? This must be the first goal because seeing what that looks like and knowing what it takes to attain this lets us know what we have to work toward. You must formulate a clear and defined picture of that healthy and loving relationship that you aspire to have. Most people find working out with a partner helps them to stay motivated and focus. Therefore I also believe it is a great idea relationship wise to have someone around to “work out” with. Someone that is in the type of relationship you want to have or that desires the same type of relationship you desire. This person can be very positive for you mentally and emotionally. Thus helping you to stay the course when you may get discouraged or when you run into negative people and influences.
2. Now it is time to work!!! The question is how much time and effort are we willing to put into get “relationship ripped”? Most people that exercise and has incorporated it into their daily routine, will work out at least 2-4 times a week or more. It is true that you only get out of something what you put into it. So if you want the relationship results you desire, you must spend time “exercising” your relationship muscles. Make the time in your daily or weekly routine to do stuff that will improve your chances of meeting, dating, and keeping someone special in your life. Use this time to work on known weaknesses and seek honest advice about areas where you can make improvements.
3. Anybody that exercises will tell you that your dietary habits may be even more important than how much you exercise. Your diet can literally kill any chance of you seeing the results you want to accomplish. The same can be said about your relationship diet!!! In relationship diet I am speaking of the things that you put in your body through your eyes and ears that pertain to relationships. Are the images and programming your watching showing you a positive relationship picture? Are the conversations you are having and music you are listening to speak of relationships in a loving and positive manner? If they are not, then you must change your diet to ingest information that will help your “relationship” body get toned, cut, and “ripped”. Now that you have the game plan, it now time to get “RELATIONSHIP RIPPED”!!!!!
Remember: You are what you eat!!! So go read my previous blog titled “you are what you eat”
As you may be able to tell as you read further, this blog is directed toward women in particular (but men will learn from this also). Don’t worry ladies; the next blog will be all about the men!!! In continuing with the theme of my last blog, I found some verses that I would like to share that the Bible proposes is the Godly temperament for a woman. Much has been discussed about the nature of meekness in a woman, or the lack thereof. Meekness is defined as “An attitude of humble, submissive and expectant trust in God, and a loving, patient and gentle attitude towards others.”Another example states “Biblical meekness is not weakness, but rather refers to exercising God’s strength under His control – i.e. demonstrating power without undue harshness.”
1 Peter 3:3-5 – Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
1 Timothy 2:9-10 – I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
From the website “Bible Counseling for Women in the Blog titled “Meekness vs Weakness”, the author states the following. “Meekness is often misunderstood as weakness. It is represented as being something women do not want to “be” because those who portray meekness do so poorly. A meek woman is actually very strong, and knows what she is about. She understands her position in Christ and her place in the Body.”
Could a woman actually be truly stronger by having a spirit of meekness? Could this be why their may be the appearance of strength, yet a lack of results?
Sometimes for a woman, being argumentative and forceful can be equated to being strong and powerful. In a relationship, however, these characteristics may not yield such a positive result.
Proverbs 21: 9 – Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21: 19 – Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
Could it be that God is not pleased with this type of temperament? Could this be a reason for break-ups and divorces? Could this thus make matters worse in the relationship or marriage? The author of “Meekness vs Weakness” goes on to say, “I find meekness to be lacking in many women these days. We seem to have become argumentative, spiteful, and vengeful. Many women are this way in the home and workplace and even in the church.”
The “Good” book goes on to further explain the hopes and expectations of women.
Titus 2: 3-5 – older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
And of course it has to be pointed out what God’s purpose and reason was when he created “Woman”.
Genesis 2: 18 – The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Now I could be wrong, but it appears that God is more concerned with what the woman looks like on the inside than on the outside. Therefore it is my belief, that the secret to a success relationship or marriage is developing, enhancing, and refining what is found within.
Remember: If you are beautiful on the inside, it will not only be visible and pleasing to God, but to man as well.
The website “Bible Counseling for Women in the Blog titled “Meekness vs Weakness” can be found at http://bc4women.blogspot.com/2011/04/meekness-or-weakness.html
Suffice it to say that everyone that is viewing this blog has been
hurt by a failed relationship. This is why the things that I am about to discuss are so important to where you are now and where you want to go from here. Most people (both men and woman) are currently or have been in relationships that have ended, which oftentimes places you in a state of pain management. This is the states of dealing with the loss of the relationship and the hurt that comes with its failure. I once heard a quote that went “10% of life is what happens to you, and the other 90% is about how you handle it”. And nothing is more taxing on the mind, soul, and spirit than how you handle hurt, loss, and disappointment. All too often when the relationship ends we want nothing more than for the pain and hurt to go away. So of course we are looking for pain medicine in any form we can find it. Whether that is through talking to your best friend about it, get busy doing things to take your mind off it, or (and the most dangerous thing to do) getting involved with someone else.
Now the reason I say this is dangerous is even though they can take your mind off the pain you are going though, they cannot provide the true healing that you need. This is so important because we take the pain medicine and it makes us feel better but we cannot mistake it for true healing!!! We have to understand that pain medicine is just what is used to get through the pain we are experiencing until we are truly healed (if you ever reach that point). So we have to understand that pain medicine in any form HAS NOT, CAN NOT, AND WILL NOT HEAL YOU!!!! Its only design is to relieve pain therefore it cannot heal you!!! True healing comes with time, patience, and positive thoughts\prayers!!!
Look at it this way. If your leg has been broken and you go to the hospital and they treat your leg and give you pain medicine, will your leg be healed after taking it? No!!! The healing process is just beginning. It’s going to take time, patience, and the proper care, in order for your leg to heal. It is the same with you heart, soul, and spirit. It’s ok to take pain medicine but you cannot get hooked on it. You cannot let it be a substitute for true healing; FOR IF YOU ARE TRULY HEALED YOU WOULD NOT BE HURTING OR IN ANY PAIN!!! This is why it is so important to go through the healing process. Because a lot of people are still taking pain medicine for injuries (bad relationships) they sustained years ago because they did not allow the injury to heal completely. They popped a few pain pills and when they felt better they went on with life. But because they weren’t completely healed the pain constantly comes back and for some has become a chronic (emotional) pain issue. Nobody I know wants to have recurring pain and hurt in their life. Now is the time to stop and heal from whatever that is causing you pain!!!! Take the time, have the patience, and feed your spirit positive thoughts and prayers, and begin healing yourself toward a new YOU!!!
A lot has been said about the power of purpose. It has been the topic of many great speeches and has also produced one of the most talked about books in decades called “The Purpose Driven Life”. I believe there is plenty to be said about purpose and how it can determine how far you go, and what you receive in your life. Likewise, I think that if you do not have a purpose for the things you do in life, you are essentially limiting the richness and value that you can obtain. This leads me to ask the question “what is the purpose behind your dating and relationship life?”
Now most people will look at this question and say, “to be happy” or “to have someone to share my life with.” As these are all good answers, I would like to go beyond the superficial and help you probe at my question from another angle. We all know that the quest of any relationship is to be happy and share your happiness with the person you are with. This then begs the question, “what is happiness in a committed relationship to you, and how is that achieved”? Is happiness achieved when the person you are seeing is giving you gifts? Is happiness achieved when the person you are seeing is taking you out to dinner? Is happiness achieved when the person you are seeing pays you compliments? Is happiness achieved when the person you are seeing massages your shoulders? Ok, I know, all of the above gives you happiness!!! But the bigger question is what do you like most? Now please do not fool yourself into thinking that the things I listed above, you desire equally!!!!! You would only be fooling yourself, not anyone else!!!! Think deeply about this because this is very important.
Listen!! Just as you are not living your life aimlessly without objectives and goals you are trying to accomplish; you also should not be dating aimlessly without a purpose. I say this because everybody has a purpose for the things they do. It is something very specific that we hope to achieve when we set out to do something; and the same goes for dating and relationships. Just as there are things that you definitely do not want out of a relationship, there are things that you definitely DO want out of a relationship!!!
Furthermore, the purpose you have for your relationship must be in line with what your mate is capable and willing to fulfill. If you desire that your mate wine and dine you, then they must be both capable and willing to provide that for you. There are many people who are capable but not willing, as there are many who are willing but not capable. Make it your goal to be with someone who will provide both for you!!! Here are three conditions that you should consider for dating “on purpose.”
1. Be honest and true to yourself and find out what is the real “purpose” behind your desires for dating and relationships.
2. Make that purpose your primary reason for dating, and you will be in a better position to attract a mate that will fulfill your longings.
3. Be open and honest to your mate about your purpose for dating and relationships. This will save you and your mate time and heartache. Ultimately, your overall purpose for being with someone is going to determine whether you obtain, or not obtain, what you desire.
Remember: Nothing happens by accident; everything happens ON PURPOSE.
One of the new phenomenon’s that has exploded in the last decade or so in the dating community is online dating. There are several dating websites that boast of having huge pools of delightful candidates to choose from and wonderful success rates in helping people find that special someone. For people who are constantly working or find it hard to go out and find someone special in a room full of people, online dating presents a practical and viable option to the norm. As most people who sign up for these websites are doing so with honest intent to find someone they can have a healthy relationship with. Unfortunately, there are some people who have intentions that are heinous and deceitful in nature. This could be as simple as someone lying on their profile, to someone using these websites to meet people to set up for identity thieft, burglary, and all sorts of diabolical crimes. We have to be mindful that even though our intentions may be good, there will be people that we meet that have intentions that are not the same as ours. In the hood we say people like this are trying to “run game” or “play games “on us. People have told me stories about things they have experienced while dating online and some of the stories have not been good.
One female told me a story about a guy that she met through social circles. They had been seeing each other for several months before he abruptly ended the relationship. She was not dating online but after the break-up her friends encouraged her to try online dating. She signed up for the website and created a profile and started glancing around the website. As she searched the website for suitable mates, she discovered that the guy she had just broken up with was also on the site. She looked at his profile and found that he had been on the site the whole time they were dating and now believes that he may have been partaking in dates with other women while they were dating. She also discovered that a photograph he was using on his profile was actually a picture she took of him at her home. This would not be such a bad thing, but he wrote under the picture “me chillin at my home”. This totally disturbed her because he was trying to pass off to everyone online that the home in the picture and all of its décor was actually his home, which it was not. Because she was not involved in online dating, it was easy for him to have an online profile and date other women without her knowing.
I have also heard numerous stories of men having live-in girlfriends and even being married, but were using online websites to find women to date. There are so many ways online dating sites can be used for manipulation. These include lying about age, financial status, and not sharing past criminal history, (among many other things) to make themselves more appealing to unsuspecting women. Ladies listen!!! You have to really think safety first if you choose to date online. You should really get to know the person before allowing them in your home. Find out if you know people who may know him, so you can gather more information about his character and past history. This is your safety and overall well-being that we are talking about, so even if everything seems straight there can still be crooked motives going on behind the scenes. Remember: All that glitter is not GOLD!!!!
It has been said that the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result”. So why is it that so many people persist to keep dating the same kind of people but expect a different outcome? First of all you have to realize that you are dating the type of people who are attracted to you!!! Yes there are things about you that draw them to you and these things may be good or bad depending on your own overall self-image and characteristics. This is the reason that the feelings and thoughts grow stronger with each conversation and face-to-face interaction. You are picking up on each other’s common interests; common likes and dislikes; common desires and goals. It is the same reason you will find yourself so uncomfortable around someone who doesn’t think about and see things in the same light as you. The comfort level is not the same; therefore you are not attracted to this person even though they may be a great person. Now finding things in common is always good and being with someone who you hit it off quickly with is what makes everything flow smoothly, right? Well let’s think about this for a minute.
I started off this article saying the definition of insanity. So if meeting this person is starting off the same way as the others you have met that didn’t work out, then what will make this relationship different? Nothing!!! See, here is the problem!!! Just as I said earlier “there are things about you that draw someone to you and these things can be good or bad depending on your own overall self-image and characteristics”. Well, just as the person is seeing the good things about you, that person will also eventually start to see the bad things about you too. So as all of the previous relationships have gone, eventually, so to will this relationship go. The reason is simple!!! You are the same person, looking for the same things, acting the same way, but hoping for a different result. One of the biggest mistakes that people make, is thinking that if I date someone different from the last person I dated then the results will be different. I am here to tell you that this is so untrue!!!
Even though someone may look and even act differently, they are still drawn to the same things about you that the others were. If things such as your characteristics, thought process, morals, and interests have not changed then typically the results you will get will not change!!! In others words, in order for the results to change, you have to change!!!
When you make changes that shall take you to a new level, then you change the kind of people you attract. If you raise your level, then others have to get on your level or they will have to move on. Consequently, you will now find a difference in the new people who you attract. If you change your level to a more serious, focus, marriage-thinking state of mind, then you will attract a more focus, serious, marriage-thinking person. But it all starts and ends with you!!!! When you change, others have to change around you or they will have to move on. This opens the door for people who are on the new level you are on. Now you see that you never have to try to change anyone to be what you want and need!!! All you have to do is transform yourself and the new you will attract that special someone to you. The rest will be what you both make of it.
Remember: Things change when you change; things stay the same when you stay the same!!!
It would make logical sense to think that if we ask God for something that we would surely receive it. I mean we are talking about the most powerful “One” that can make anything happen. Therefore when we are in need we go to God and ask for help expecting to receive it. So why in cases of relationships does it appear to take so long, or in some instances it may appear that the help might not come at all? Well it has come to my attention that just asking and believing that it is going to happen just may not be enough. I believe that you must be ready to receive what God has to give. Now I know you are saying “who does not want to receive what God has for them”? But there have been many cases where the answer that God gave was not well received and in some cases not accepted by the person in need. This may sound strange but we have all done this to God, and we will probably do it again!!!
You see we oftentimes have a tough time accepting the truth!!! We know that the response God gives us is the right thing to do, but it will challenge us and take us down roads we would like to avoid. We want the answer to be quick, easy and painless!!! We do not want to have to work hard (on ourselves) to achieve the answer because that would take more time and energy than we want to give. So the question is “are you really ready to receive what God has to offer as an answer for your relationship prayers”? Has He already answered them but you did not like and rejected His answer because it was not what YOU wanted? Are you running from His answer because it will require you to do things you are not ready to do?
Listen!!! If you ask God in prayer for something, you must have total faith and belief that what He delivers is exactly WHAT YOU NEED!!! He does not make mistakes like we do, and He does not fail on His promises!!! What has happened to so many of us is that we have failed Him. We have asked Him for help but run from and even turn down His help when He delivers it.
QUESTION: So why ask for God’s help if you are not ready to receive it? I mean if we know exactly what we want in a relationship then why ask for God’ s help only to reject it because it is not exactly what we want. MY THOUGHT: The bible states “trust not in thine own understanding”. So even if we think we know all we want in and from our mate in a relationship, we cannot see all that we are getting into. God knows us better than we know ourselves and His understanding is greater than ours. We are asking for God’s help because we have tried all that we know to try. So why is it so hard to accept and act on the answers from the “One” that knows us best? Most of us at some point have gone to God and asked for His help in finding a mate. Some of us will ask God to deliver a mate to us either now or in the future. But when we do, we have to be ready to receive the answer and the path that God is leading us down. If we are not ready to receive it, then maybe we are not really ready for what we are asking God for. Just a thought!!